My weekend with Downstairs Guy

Setting:  My apartment
Time of year:  Windows-open season

The meeting
We pass each other Saturday morning on the stairs and he looks at me with a twinkle in his eye.  A twinkle that says:  It sounded like you had quite a party last night, but we have yet to introduce ourselves even though we are two 20-something people who share a floor/ceiling.  You seem like you’re in a hurry; we’ll just smile and nod today, yes ?

And I smile and nod at him with a twinkle in my eye that says, I’m not really in a hurry, just going to the park with my ipod, but I’m not going to introduce myself yet; anticipation is so fun, yes?  And also, not to get all girly, but I’ve got this massive chin pimple and I'm a little worried about it.

Later that night, Downstairs Guy has a party
I perch at my window sipping tea and listening.  Mostly I hear gibberish, unintelligible against the background of music, but I imagine conversations that go like this:

Guy:  Brilliant comment about that recent movie.  You know, the one in German. 
Girl:  I hear your brilliant comment, but I have this counterintuitive but equally well-observed point to make about the movie.
Guy:  What’s that perfume you’re wearing?
Girl:  A concoction of mostly unavailable scents.
Guy:  It smells like Comme des Garcons Kyoto.
Girl:  Naturally.
Guy:  Let’s go to my house in Normandy next weekend.   

The flashback:  In which I suddenly wonder if Downstairs Guy had been listening to my party the evening before, and what it would have sounded like from the outside

Julie: I got into grad school -- Harvard!
Me : Damn girl, this cawls for some ChamPAGna!

I said it like I was related to George Bush.  Then I popped the champagne and it went everywhere, and I said, "Eww, it got on my shooooe!"

Let’s hope he is theatrical:  Things I imagine happening between me and Downstairs Guy

The Romantic Comedy
Downstairs Guy knocks on door. 
Him:  Do you have any eggs ?
Me:  I do, but I’m so sorry I’m in these adorable pajamas and that you have to see me this way, so off guard but adorable.
Him:  Come on down to my place!  I’ll make you eggs. 

80’s fantasy
Downstairs Guy and I crawling towards each other on bare wood floor, like in Dirty Dancing.

Auteur fantasy
Downstairs guy and I both wear turtlenecks and trench coats; we kiss in an alley.

Doris Day fantasy
Leaning against a piano singing "Baby It’s Cold Outside," Downstairs Guy and I entertain our amused friends.

American Apparel ad fantasy
You know the one I mean.  With the library ladder. 

Act Three
Sunday morning I hear sizzling sounds when I wake up.  Eggs?  French fries?  It’s a mystery.  And then I stick my head out the window.  Bacon!  Downstairs Guy is the one cooking the bacon!  Here is a secret, which I will tell you now, Internet:  I love bacon. 

Our heroine has a sudden concern
My bathroom has a big window right by the toilet.  Can Downstairs Guy hear me peeing?

Oooh, my apartment would be hot as a duplex
If you were to start dating someone in your building--say a person who lived, oh, downstairs from you--would you eventually move into a bigger place, or just renovate?

A harsh turn of events
Around 12 noon I hear a girl leave Downstairs Guy's apartment.  I think she is wearing heels.  Okay, okay, okay.   

Dénouement
Around 7pm, I dash to the Parc Buttes-Chamont for a quick walk in the cool evening air and to climb the hilly streets surrounding.  When I return at 9pm, the whole courtyard sounds like a restaurant, all the apartments making an orchestra of tinkling forks and knives and happy conversation. 

Downstairs Guy is leaning out his window, talking on his cellphone. 

I put on Feist and start singing, "Your ve-ry se-cret HEART.  Bump bum."

Please note:  I will update this series as I learn more about Downstairs Guy, like, perhaps, his name. 

 

Comments

[R J Keefe]

Your first line: "My dad never taught me how to speak French correctly. Perhaps you can help."

[camille]

that is so fabulous... good luck!

[Stephanie]

Oh, if only we had Downstair's guy's e-mail, or cell number... Your internet matchmaking service would kick into high gear.

[Gloria]

Hm. Yes. This is often how my fantasies involving unknown (but seen and admired) guys go. And they always involve how we just look *perfect together, and lots of wine. Or maybe it's the wine that gets me to these fantasies in the first place.

[delphine]

well, you could have started a little conversation with..."oh sorry if my party was too loud last night", but I guess you missed that chance. So now, when you see him, just wink or say flat out "salut"...et pour le bouton, put some toothpaste on it, it will help dry it. ohhhh, and were you referencing "la vie des autres" ??? if so, amazing film.
bonne chance...this is so much fun.
delphine

[Coquette]

RJ, Genius!

Gloria, Exactely. It's the idea of someone that's so fun. Before they start talking and mess up the whole thing.

[Coquette]

Delphine, I sort of was kicking myself for not apologizing for the party... it would have been perfect, but ah well. I *really* want to see la vie des autres. I might just wait till I'm in the US, for English subtitles though....(I'm going to the US soon).

[matt]

that was a tres-mendous post, looking forward to the sequel

[ambika]

I don't think I've laughed at something on the internets in quite some time but this definitely had me chuckling. I am certain the same thoughts went through my head for every anonymous crush (guy at coffee shop, guy on bus, guy at gym) I've ever had. Just perfect.

[misshoax]

you rock.

that is all.

[Gryphon]

Let's get the American Apparel Ad Fantasy rolling. Ask him if you can borrow a pair of tube socks!

[Alice]

Loved this post! Great story... Hope there will be further developments! Go get him, girl!

Oh, and DEFINITELY go see La Vie des Autres -- one of the best, if not THE best, film I've seen in years.

[Wiscoblonde]

I'm jealous! I wish I had a cute neighbor, but all les hommes in my building range from average to icky.

[Athena]

Fantastique! This is a wonderful entry, and I hope the story of Downstairs Guy continues. This is better than a lot of romcoms actually.

[Antipodéesse]

Love your imagination! You make me feel 20 years younger...

[GdP]

I am so impressed you even know the song "Baby It's Cold Outside" which, ironically enough, figures heavily in a fantasy I have about Götz Alsmann. God Bless Frank Loesser.

[rebecca]

SECRET HEART=THE MOST AMAZING SONG EVER

[maitresse]

I meant to tell you, as I was leaving your place the other night, I noticed an attractive guy with artfully mussed hair standing in the stairwell listening to the music from your party, staring longingly at the door...

[Olivia]

Ooh, I vote for the Dirty Dancing fantasy. You're opening line must clearly be the immortal: "I carried a watermelon." Classic.

[Jessica]

i love feist and secret heart is my favorite of her songs!!

now onto the subject of downstatirs boy -- quite intriguing, i persoally opt for "boy randomly sees girl at the bottom of the eiffel tower" fantasy -- very romantic comedy/very american in paris

[Stu "El Inglés" Harris]

The downside of 'La Vie des Autres':

* It runs 137 min
* The music is dreadful
* The colour is dreadful (well, on the print I saw, anyway)

However it does have its moments....

'Fauteuils d'Orchestre' (translated as 'Avenue Montaigne') is WAY WAY better, IMO.

[Alex]

I just have to de-lurk to comment on what a great post that was. Lovely! Well worth the wait, and I hope we get to hear more. Not just for us, but for you.

[Liz]

....and all I truly saw on this post was the awful name "George Bush". Please don't do it again. He scares me. Truly, he scares me.

But good luck to you in any romantic endeavours. It is Paris in Springtime.

Heart,
Liz

[Raquel]

First-time commenter, but somewhat frequent reader...

Love le blog. Love le post. Love the auteur fantasy, and the American Apparel one, and the Dénouement.

(Also liked your story about hats.)

[Leah]

great blog entry. totally cute and funny.

[kim]

Loved reading this!

[Erin]

I once dated a guy who lived above me. He was a Jesus/Jimmy Page looking saxphonist living with his very hippy noise rock band mates. The whole ordeal was much the same, but also involved lots of cheeky planting of myself on the stoop with interesting reading material at critical moments when I knew he would be coming or going. Neighbor romance always feels so deliciously serendipitous. Have you seen The Science of Sleep by Michel Gondry? Exceptional aesthetic and realistic, Parisian neighbor romance.

[Charisma]

yes, feist + secret heart...or is it gatekeeper? "it's a scene you set for new lovers..."

bonne continuation.

[SAHMmy]

Too cute.

[Joy]

Eek, I'm so so glad you're back. And how. I almost yelped when your page came up with multiple posts, yesterday.

I've been reading you for over a year. Just thought I'd finally say, mille mercis. Your blog is my favorite. You're such a writer that I would be reading you even without the Paris stuff--say, if you lived in Flint, MI. (I did. But I got out--I live in Montpellier now.)

Thanks again!

[Emily]

This is sounding very Amelie-esque. :)

[embrouillamini]

Oooh, it all sounds so romantic. Can't wait for part deux.

[embrouillamini]

Oooh, it all sounds so romantic. Can't wait for part deux.

[Sara]

Oh, this post was too much. But how it resembles those meeting on the metro, in the grocery store, at the red light.

[Maisie]

fantastic. i am laughing at my computer as i read this. can't wait for our delicious udon date tonight!!! at which point you can further update me on whether he can hear you peeing. ha ha.

[delphine]

(ok now i am commenting again...)
gosh...since he doesn't have a name thus far...how about 'arnaud' or 'thierry'....boys named as such always have hair artfully mussed as "maîtresse" says. oh and "erin" beat me to it...i was just about to suggest the film "la science des rêves" par michel gondry...
delphine

[deja pseu]

I think you've just written your first screenplay right here.

[Mark Zajac]

Dear Ms. Fourmont:

"...all the apartments making an orchestra of tinkling forks and knives and happy conversation..." You mademoiselle, are delightful. Just delightful!

So, among your readership, all our hopes for vicarious romance are resting on you! Enough with the coquetry, already. Reel... him... in!

Sincerely,

[:-)] Mark

Mark Zajac

[Linda]

Love your blog, you're a fantastic writer! I lived in France as a grad student and fell in love with my neighbor so it does happen! He started it all by asking if he could borrow a broom... We actually did make our two apartments into one big one. :) Seven years later, we're married and just had our first baby. Good luck and keep us posted!

[shannon]

i also have been reading your blog for a while now, and i am always thoroughly entertained. but that might have been your best post ever! i read it out loud to my roommate the first time, i had to share!

i love those "admiring from afar" crushes - i wonder if it would even be as fun if you did end up meeting him? yeahhh you should still meet him :)

[kim]

and wouldn't you just die, if guy from downstairs, somehow knew you had a blog, and asked to borrow eggs or made bacon...well it would be stranger than fiction:)

keep writing..you are so funny and entertaining!

[Mlle Smith]

Your Dirty Dancing fantasy was just too funny! This was such a cute post, love it! :0)

[aylin]

you´re fantastic, you really make my day start great! wish you good luck with the downstairs guy...whatever happens :o)

[Coquette]

Erin/ Delphine, I started La Science des Reves on a plane (and fell asleep, it was like 3 in the morning). Need to give it another try.

Gentry, Baby it's Cold Outside (Doris Day/ Bing Crosby version) is on my ipod and somehow figures regularly into my fantasies. I'm such a softy for male/female counterpoint.

Everyone, wow, such nice responses! (I'm so intrigued by your story Linda. Very intrigued.) Ah, hope is such a pretty thing...

[clem]

Is Downstair Guy the "not really but perhaps in love" of Glamour (may) that I read in the train this afternoon ? ;-)

[Alice]

Aaahhh, Clem beat me to it -- Elisabeth, I was just going to say the same thing: I recognized you in the French Glamour last night on my way home from work! I had picked up a copy for kicks and it made me smile to see you on page 96. I've always wondered how they interview people for those sorts of things... Did they just run into you out and about, or do they contact people?

I liked your response in any case... Very mysterious, like your post here! It keeps us guessing...

P.S. ~ Have you heard all of Feist's new album? I think I might pick it up after work today, it seems great. There was a piece on her in Wednesday's Herald Tribune.

[Claire]

YOU my dear are a (romantic) comedy genius...x

[Coquette]

Alice, I don't think the new album's out until next week, right? I'm eagerly awaiting....

[Mark Zajac]

Dear Ms. Fourmont

I will regret commenting twice -- it feels invasive already -- but your post gave me a fever, which I must now vent in words. I will then take a break.

A note of caution: there is a certain yin and yang to romantic comedy. Whomsoever the "meet cute" doth join together, the diametrically opposite "ugly part" then puts asunder. Inevitably, one of the characters will learn that the entire romance was predicated on a bar bet, or some other contrivance. For you, his moment of perceived betrayal will come when he discovers that you have serialized the relationship. File THAT in your sidebar, under "Oh, Shame!"

Of course, Hollywood then arranges for personal growth and consequent reconciliation. This leads to John Cusack outside your window, with a boom-box, which trumps even "Love Graffiti" as you once noted. Bonus: the malicious cheer-leader character will somehow get her comeuppance. Plus, the word "comeuppance" sees action. So, perhaps your evi... er... BRILLIANT scheme is right on target! Cue maniacal laughter.

Seriously though, consider the parable of gentle commenter Linda, posted above. Future bliss with your neighbor is at least a possibility. Nothing certain, of course, but who knows? There's a little something "fou" in "le coup de FOUdre" as I like to say. Normally, you are a paragon of discretion. Why stop? Perhaps you should not jeopardize a chance at lasting happiness for the fleeting amusement of your readers.

Forgive my interference, it is kindly meant.

Sincerely,

[:-)] Mark

P.S.

There were two endorsements for "The Science of Sleep" but I suggest "Before Sunrise" / "Before Sunset" instead.

[La Belette]

Dear you,

I am reading your blog once and a while but here i HAVE to answer you.

Indeed, you should get the french movie "ma vie en l'air" with Vincent Elbaz (french handsome guy) and Marion Cotillard (french girl next door), as a very important rule is displayed in it: "la regle du bon voisinage", meaning "the rule of honest neighbourood". It is said that you should NEVER have an affair with your neighbours as it can turn really invasive.

However, the rest of the movie demonstrates the contrary, but that's the French Spirit, isn't it ?

I am yearning for the next episode !

Kind regards,

Belette