Here are a couple of clips from July 14, noted for being my friend Julie’s birthday and also, the French national holiday. I’m going to need to do some translating for non-French speakers, and possibly French speakers as well.
Warning: As I listen to these videos, I realize I basically sound like the French equivalent of Fez on That 70’s Show. Gird your loins.
Julie's boyfriend Olivier is lighting Julie’s cake and my big fat American accent and I are buzzing around him. Vanity forces me to qualify that when I’m sober, I swear my nasal drawl is less offensive. At least, I think it is.
Me: 52? *pointing to the candles on cake*
Olivier: What’s that? 52? *switches the candles*
Me: She doesn’t look her age.
Hey! That was sort of borderline, maybe kinda quippy, right? Okay, my humor bar in French is like this: if I were a 7-year-old and said it, would you laugh? Then I’m killing.
There are a few dead seconds around the middle of the video, but hold on, here comes the money shot (sorry). I don’t want to give too much away, but I accidentally get Guigui to do something really funny. It was so unexpected it almost feels like cheating.
At the end of the clip, Jeanne enters the room and I say, “On allume le feu, la!” I am high fiving myself right now, because “allumer le feu” means to light the fire (Olivier is lighting the cake) and its double meaning is to get the party started.
I think if a first grader were to use such fancy word play, you would find the kid very advanced. Just saying.
I am pleased because a song I know the words to comes on. I am also very drunk at this point, so the words “chanson francon” come out of my mouth instead of “chanson francais.”
But, can I point out the hideous inaccuracy in my claiming it’s the only French song that I know? Thanks to family roadtrips I know numerous Dorothée song from the 80’s (Allo, allo, Monsieur Ordinateur) and also a staggering amount of Michel Sardou, both of which help me get dates on a regular basis. My party trick is that I can do the entire phone conversation in Anais’ Mon Coeur, Mon Amour ("Coucou qu'est ce que tu fais mon coeur ?" "La même chose qu'y a une demie heure... " etc.)
And on that note, I leave you, because I know you’re getting so turned on you can hardly stand it.
(You can see some more clips on Vimeo. Well, one more clip. But I'll add more.)
*And I'd like to note that we are at Julie's parents' apartment. When we have parties at our places it's like clowns in a car.
"allumer le feu" is also a johnny hallyday hit song :b
and you cracked me up
Posted by: kafeine - Pink Bubble | 26 July 2006 at 02:48 PM
I think that's how I learned the expression.
Posted by: Coquette | 26 July 2006 at 03:19 PM
Wow! Way more fun than I had on July 14th - or even July 4th for that matter! Sadly, the only thing I know about French music is that Patrick Bruel sucks toes. Literally.
Posted by: katie | 26 July 2006 at 04:17 PM
Poor Guigui... I've been in his shoes before. It's an uncomfortable fit. Hilarious post!
Posted by: meg | 26 July 2006 at 04:54 PM
I know, poor guy. But it's almost more uncomfortable watching someone who's trying to holding their breath in a you-just-happened-to-catch-me! freeze. At least Gui is such a character.
Posted by: Coquette | 26 July 2006 at 05:03 PM
I would have laughed. I crack me up (and no one else) in French too. I love the puns and that is NOT a French mode of humor. I burst out laughing once when a friend told me he'd seen someone else in the street eating a rligieuse and I had to explain that yes, I understood that she was eating a pastry, but there's a double meaning! She could have been eating a nun! Yes, I know she wasn't, but she could have been! Ha ha! Ha... ha?
It also took a lot of time to explain to my host family why I thought it was such a cute idea for avocats to go on strike - rolling down the street with their little green picket signs, etc.
Posted by: srah | 26 July 2006 at 05:11 PM
Actually, your French sounds British... It's lovely.
Posted by: Cyrille G | 26 July 2006 at 05:13 PM
Srah, it's staggering how much I laugh at myself in these videos. I think it's a cry for help.
I would be busting up over your nun and avocat jokes, btw.
Cyrille, people always ask if I'm Irish, but I think it's just the hair.
Posted by: Coquette | 26 July 2006 at 05:31 PM
You sound like I do when I speak French! At least I think so, as thankfully I have no videos of myself doing it. I used to crack myself up too, when I lived with a host family in France. I remember asking my monsieur, "Why do you say you have to get up 'a bonne heure du matin,' when in fact it is a tres, tres mauvaise heure?!" He laughed, but perhaps not because I was so profoundly witty...
Posted by: Rachel | 26 July 2006 at 05:53 PM
i love the french party videos! they remind me of my last summer in paris -- a long, loooong time ago -- when i was single, child-free and having a really lovely time.
but i have semi-serious question for you: the "pourquoi pas moi" song you linked to has been stuck in my head ever since. if i start humming it around my brother and sister-in-law -- who are visiting from france -- will they think i'm a geek? or be impressed with my knowledge of french pop?
Posted by: lisa | 26 July 2006 at 06:41 PM
How happy is everybody that Jackie and Fez got together?
Posted by: Asian Leprechaun | 26 July 2006 at 07:54 PM
ugh, my gut is in total pain right now from laughing to hard. You are hillarious!!! i love it!
Posted by: ering | 26 July 2006 at 09:01 PM
I thought you spoke French....
Posted by: Adrian | 26 July 2006 at 09:38 PM
Ha, those were great.
Posted by: Scarlet | 26 July 2006 at 10:03 PM
first off -- woah those boys are cute! second -- your voice is so adorable! like...Magnolia cupcakes sweetness. Thanks for posting these. Even though I understood exactly zero things, they were fun to watch!
Posted by: Vespa Rosso | 26 July 2006 at 10:08 PM
Lisa, I doubt they've heard Mareva's version. It just came out and it's not exactely getting widespread attention (which makes sense since it's so campy). They might know the original from the 60s though.
Adrian, dagger to the heart! I know the accent is bad, but come on, I'm not speaking Chinese!
Posted by: Coquette | 26 July 2006 at 11:52 PM
that was so fun to watch and listen to! do more videos! you spoke french with such ease! also reminded me of my paris days...hopefully of which i'll have more...and i hope to be speaking french as well as you do.
thanks for sharing that!
Posted by: shannon | 27 July 2006 at 02:14 AM
I watched both videos and two things struck me: One, Olivier and Guigui are quite easy on the eyes. The second was the post you wrote a week (maybe two weeks) ago about the quintessential way French women sit. At the start of the second video, Julie's got the pretzel legs going. Something I'll never be able to do.
Not that I'm sad about that or anything.
Posted by: Sara | 27 July 2006 at 04:43 AM
Can I say that Olivier is way gorgeous? And Guigui...those chompers are DIVINE...
That party looked like so much fun and that's Jeanne, not Julie doing the pretzel-leg-thingie, non?
I absolutely dug the videos, Coquette!! Keep 'em coming! :0)
Posted by: Noire Dire | 27 July 2006 at 05:47 AM
Those videos were way more cooler than that "Pourquoi pas moi?" video from the last post. We got to hear you make say French expressions with double meanings. What could be sexier?
Posted by: Neil | 27 July 2006 at 07:47 AM
I re-read the post. You're right, Noire Dire; that is Jeanne not Julie.
Posted by: Sara | 27 July 2006 at 01:51 PM
Coquette!
I've read your blog for at least the past year, when I lived in Paris myself, and having finally moved back to Australia, I've found a mention of your blog in an Australian newspaper!!
Your blog is mentioned (well.. listed..) on page 3...
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2006/07/26/1153816248787.html
I know, the article doesn't actually say anything really about your blog, but you were mentioned in Sydney, Australia, surely that has to count for something :D
Posted by: jenn | 27 July 2006 at 03:10 PM
Such a weird soundtrack, like cicadas eating one another...
T'as vraiment une tete americaine. Je t'aurais repere tout de suite dans le metro...
Posted by: do | 28 July 2006 at 01:30 AM
oh, sorry, my speakers weren't branches...
Posted by: do | 28 July 2006 at 01:32 AM
children are being bombed to death and people are talking of hits from the 80's?
Posted by: Kate | 30 July 2006 at 01:10 PM
Jenn, thanks for that, I had not seen that article.
Kate, And here you are doing a drive by critique of my blog when there are people dying. If you want to be an activist, that's wonderful. But you'll never inspire others by criticizing them. And yeah, what happened in Israel, what's happening all over, makes me sick.
Posted by: Coquette | 30 July 2006 at 01:38 PM
not to co-op coquette's blog to make a political statement (because that's rude, kate) but some countries are being bombed because they nurture certain groups who would like to take away our right to drunkenly sing french hits from the 80s, film ourselves doing it, and make fun of ourselves on the internet. screw that. am yisrael chai.
Posted by: maitresse | 30 July 2006 at 05:23 PM
sorry that was co-opt, with a t, as in hijack, steer off course.
Posted by: maitresse | 30 July 2006 at 05:24 PM
Oh yeah, the way Jeanne crosses her legs is sooo cool! I can do that too, but with my big upper legs (mes gros jambons!) it doesn't have such an elegant result... eheh
Posted by: Lady Iphigenia | 31 July 2006 at 02:28 AM
Maitresse, please realize that this varies according to your stand point.
You may be jewish (I'm assuming that you are based on your support for the bombing of civilians/children) and as a result support such actions; but to the people there that are being bombed and harmed, YOU and other people like you are the terrorists or are supporting/"nurturing" groups/countries that support such acts of terrorism.
Your argument is the exact same argument that the groups that participated in 9/11 used in justifying bombing my country and killing innocent civilians at the WTC.
You should be careful of making such statements.
Apartheid is never justifiable. Genocide is never justifiable...I don't care what ethnicity/nationality/religion you are.
The unfortunate things it that the US has been dragged into this barbarism and is now suffering the consequences as a result...even though the majority of us do not support this. It's unfair and it's a slap in the face.
Anyways, I just wanted you to see how ridiculous your statement was and what it leads to.
And, it's good to note that not all Jewish people think the way Maitresse does or supports this sort of barbarism...there are those that stand up against apartheid/tyranny/barbarism/terrorism.
Posted by: Dana | 31 July 2006 at 05:36 PM
hey dana,
while I stand by what I said, you should know that I wrote it before I found out about what happened in qana. my support for israel is unwavering, my politics unchanged, but I think the israeli army's mistake is inexcusable. however, I would point out that certain groups (ahem) conduct similar operations on israeli soil on purpose and call it an act of resistance. so this is a morally dubious situation no matter which side you call the terrorists.
that said, I'd be happy to engage in a debate over why your slippage of terms is so troubling, but as I said above, I don't think it's appropriate to do it on coquette's blog.
Posted by: maitresse | 31 July 2006 at 08:28 PM
Mistake? Exactly which mistake are we talking about?
Would that be the bombing of a Red Cross vehicle attempting to rescue the women/children/men buried beneath the rubble, their mouths filled with sand and debris - their bodies trapped?
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/31/world/middleeast/31scene.html?ref=middleeast
Or would that be the blatant bombing and killing of the United Nations observers?
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/27/world/middleeast/27nations.html
Or maybe you're speaking of the murder of the young American girl that attempted to protest the bulldozing of homes in Gaza...
I just wasn't sure of exactly which "mistake" you were referring to.
Now if you're speaking of the blatant disregard for human life, then I think "mistake" is a convenient but, irresponsible term to use.
You don't "mistakenly" bomb countries. You don't "mistakenly" trample a young America girl with a tank. You don't "mistakenly" murder four United Nations observers that have repeatedly contacted your gov't to tell you that you're dangerously close to murdering them where they are posted with your repeated bombings of their outpost.
No, these are the actions of a gov't that shows reckless disregard for human life.
You can support a gov't or ideology without being deaf and blind. You can believe in a cause without turning a blind eye to what is just and morally correct.
I will say that I find it ironic/hypocritical of any American that can honestly state that they support such a cause/regime. After all, I believe this is the land of the Native Americans. But, let them show up at my doorstep and tell me to leave and give up what I've built and fought for and what my family has built and fought for all of these years...simply because this is 'their land'. I'd fight them tooth and nail.
Posted by: Dana | 31 July 2006 at 09:23 PM
By the way, the name of the young American girl that the Israeli Army ran over with a bulldozer as she was protesting the demolition of a Palestinian doctor's home in Gaza...her name was Rachel Corrie.
http://www.rachelcorrie.org/
Anyone that supports such barbarism is seriously sick.
Posted by: Dana | 31 July 2006 at 09:37 PM
http://maitresse.blogspot.com/2005/04/my-name-is-rachel.html
Posted by: maitresse | 31 July 2006 at 10:24 PM
So lovely to see people dressed up at a party. Thanks for posting the clips, Coquette!
Posted by: Jecca | 31 July 2006 at 10:39 PM
Right...so I'm still wondering which "mistake" you were referring to.
Posted by: Dana | 31 July 2006 at 11:35 PM
Something else I noticed in the first video: Usher's "Yeah" is playing in the background. Heh.
Posted by: Sara | 01 August 2006 at 05:34 AM
Poor Coquette! She's not even allowed to make the world more beautiful anymore with fashion, music, and hunky guys! But don't you know -- the personal IS the political. If there's one thing that women from around the world can agree on and love -- Arab, Jew, black, white, etc -- is nice shoes. This is going to bring more peace to the world than insinuating that everyone should be blogging about politics 24/7. Where is everyone worried about all the slaughters in Somalia? Oppression in China? Of course we should care about death and destruction and terrorism everywhere, but on this blog post? I especially find it scary when people insinuate that their topic isn't "serious" enough because events are happening in the world. What is this -- the Soviet Union? What business is it of yours? I frankly thought it was more interesting when everyone was talking about how cute the guys were. If you want to attack Israel, or slam Hezbollah, there are tons of places for that -- in fact thousands -- or start your own blog. It's free!
Unless, Ms. Coquette wants to write her own political piece, of course! Now that would be fun...
I also would like her opinion on Crocs...
Posted by: Neil | 02 August 2006 at 05:23 PM
Crocs? Those are those rubber clogs right? Seems like a shoe that makes your life easier and has its own smurf-y charm. Thumbs up. I'm really for the people, you see.
Thanks for coming in with support, Neil. Anything I say is going to make me sound like Cher on Clueless, so I'm keeping zipped.
Posted by: Coquette | 02 August 2006 at 05:50 PM
Hi Coquette,
Vache...
I agree with Mister Neil...
Also... the guys working on the birthday cake are really beau gosse.. =D
=)
Ciaoooooo
Posted by: Rica | 02 August 2006 at 09:00 PM
je veux ces vidéos! merci poulette!c'est moi la reine de la soirée! ces images m'ont trop touchée :)
Posted by: julie | 18 August 2006 at 09:59 PM