Once upon a time, there was a designer named Hedi Slimane. He designed for a brand called Dior Homme. In the year 2006, some might have said he was the most famous living menswear designer in the world. He was the man whose skinny suits changed the way dandy European men dress today. He was the man Karl Lagerfeld anointed a genius, the man who designed menswear so enticing, it prompted King Karl to lose the weight of three supermodels, just so he could fit into Dior Homme.
He was the man whom The New Yorker felt fit to profile, thus telling all the world the secret to Hedi’s famously slender physique. (Answer? Baby food.)
Last night, I introduced myself to Hedi Slimane in the grocery store.
Me: *walking through frozen foods* La, La, la.
*Hedi Slimane approaches from the wine section.*
Wait. Is that? No. Here? But he sure looks....
A second later, he was close enough to where I could have plucked a hair from his monk man bowl cut and I was sure: I WAS PROXIMATE TO HEDI FUCKING SLIMANE.
How did I know it was Hedi Slimane? How could I not know?
He walked past me and I turned on my heels, stalking him at five paces away, all....stalker-like, never taking my eyes away from his low slung black jeans and his black Converse Chucks. Then, he stopped near the fresh herbs! He picked up some prepacked snap peas!
And I just knew I had to make my move right then, before I lost my shit in Monoprix and began calling people saying, “I am proximate to Hedi Fucking Slimane,” but with each passing minute becoming too candyassed to do anything about it.
Me: Excusez-moi? Vous etes créateur?
Him: Oui.
He spoke softly. He didn’t seem bothered. His eyes were so blue! He was so tall!
Okay, I have to say that InStyle magazine writers piss me off, always talking about how good looking the celebrity is like there’s ANYTHING interesting about that AT ALL. But please understand, Hedi is cute.
And so was his boyfriend with the shopping cart.
So then I told him that what he does is magnificent. Magnifique is the cliché French word that you say if you fucking don’t know French. And pardon my French, but I fucking know a few more words than magnifique for fuck’s sake. I pressed on although my heart was beating like a gerbil on speed. He thanked me, calling me mademoiselle. He was being sincere. Encouraged, I told him that I interned at a fashion magazine in Paris. You know, to build up my credentials.
I have shared the same air with stylists! I’m just like you!
I think he could tell by my pained, I’m Proximate to Hedi Slimane and May Just Lose My Shit look that I wasn’t the chatty, lingering type. Nor was I the type that would stroke his hand or snip a lock of his hair. He could risk a little niceness with me, so he very sweetly said it was vraiment gentil of me to say hello and we wished each other good evenings.
I proceeded to wander the aisles as if on psychedelic drugs, so pumped from those fifteen seconds with Hedi so that I forgot everything I was supposed to buy. But I didn’t forget to buy chocolate. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Until.
Hedi got in my zone of proximity a few minutes later as I was paying for my groceries, but it was almost closing time so he had to go to another register. He didn’t have to be told to go to another register like so many of the people that had come behind me. No, he saw the flashing red "X" that signifies a closed register and figured it out all on his own.
God, I owe you big time for that one. I think it would have taken years off my life if I had had to tell Hedi Fucking Slimane that the line ended at me while he hypothetically would have stood there, taking in the assortment of indiscipline that was my shopping basket, wondering what kind of fan of his buys Pringles?
The man eats baby food, people.
(Which is, of course, what made meeting him in a grocery store so very delicious. I'm pretty sure I saw some solids in that cart.)
babyfood is tasty. mmm apricot custard...
I would have said magnifique... if i'd known who he was... my french in't any better than that
Posted by: piu piu | 10 May 2006 at 03:45 PM
Cool
Posted by: Charlotte | 10 May 2006 at 03:49 PM
Haha- I love your posts so much.
That is so cool! (To use an equally cliched word)
It seems strange to meet Hedi Slimane in a grocery store- like bumping into Karl Lagerfeld at a fast food chain or something. I rarely equate designers with mortal activities like eating.
Posted by: eurobrat | 10 May 2006 at 03:54 PM
What a fantastic entry!
"Magnifique" - I will laugh about that all day. But remember, you have to be halfway fluent to think to say "Vous êtes créateur?"
Posted by: R J Keefe | 10 May 2006 at 04:22 PM
Oh my GOD. Which Monoprix was this? On Rue de Rennes? Amazing. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Posted by: Ms. NOLA | 10 May 2006 at 04:49 PM
Must add baby food to grocery list. Check.
I'm very proud of you for approaching him and actually speaking words. French words, at that! I once met the late great Chris Farley in a grocery store. He was witty (even in the chip aisle). All I could muster was, "Can I have your autograph?" with an embarrassing amount of drool. Quel dommage.
Posted by: Kathleen | 10 May 2006 at 05:00 PM
that is an amazing story. you have the right to brag about that one for ages!
i only wish that when i went to the monoprix (or paris in general) that i could have seen someone like that; all the more reason to go back!
Posted by: maya | 10 May 2006 at 05:00 PM
Absolutely fantastic! It's always great meeting those you admire. :)
Posted by: Raquel | 10 May 2006 at 05:45 PM
I much rather meet a design than a celebrity. They're so boring, leaving nothing to the imagaination. Designers are like the middle ground between celebrities and ordinary people like us, for more fascinating. Uhhh, I don't blame you for forgetting what to buy, I probably would have too.
Posted by: andrea | 10 May 2006 at 05:52 PM
I love reading your stories. I'm also glad you did not have to face a register confrontation. He does seem sincere which is very nice to hear about anyone in the fashion business.
Posted by: Athena | 10 May 2006 at 06:30 PM
Maybe you need to reverse your thinking a bit: instead of "I am proximate to Hedi Fucking Slimane", think "Hedi Fucking Slimane is proximate to ME. HE is breathing MY air".
It's hard not to feel like an insignificant speck of dust in comparison with your heroes; you really have to work at changing how you think about yourself. I once told someone my dream was to write a book and have Oprah take notice of it and invite me on her show to be an "expert" guest... and the other person said: "Hell, what do you need Oprah for? I'm convinced you will be more famous than Oprah."
That stopped me dead in my tracks for a minute. MORE FAMOUS THAN OPRAH? What would that even LOOK like? I never did figure that out but thinking about it helped me convince myself that, in my own way, I'm just as talented and valuable as anyone who happens to be famous. It's a nice feeling.
By the way, the fruit baby-foods are often quite tasty and very healthy as a light snack. But I don't think I could stomach pureed chicken and peas, no matter how badly I want to lose weight!
Posted by: The Bold Soul | 10 May 2006 at 06:38 PM
Hedi Slimane is very big in Los Angeles now. I think he's designing his boutique in Beverly Hills. I know I usually blog in the skin-tight blue metallic jeans he designed for me. Unfortunately, I ran out of baby food today, so I went to In-N-Out Burgers for lunch instead.
And Bold Soul, I love your comment, although that attitude would require a lifetime of therapy before most of us could walk around thinking like that! Don't we all idolize Coquette? Aha! I guess SHE is the lucky one that we even bother to comment here. I am not an insignificant speck of dust just because she lives this exotic Parisian life, hobnobbing with fashion icons in supermarkets while hiding the Pringles in her cart! Damn it. Yes, I am.
Posted by: Neil | 10 May 2006 at 07:39 PM
That is definitely the classiest "I met a celebrity" story I've heard in a long, long time. Now I'm fantasizing (on your behalf) about his publicity people picking up on this post and getting in touch with you, saying "We were wondering, would you be interested in sharing some more of Hedi's air ? We'd love to give you an exclusive..."
Posted by: Waterhot | 10 May 2006 at 07:46 PM
I wouldn't have recognized Hedi Slimane, but I would have noticed him. He's so handsome.
The only celebrities I've seen in Paris are all about a thousand years old: Lauren Bacall, Jean-Paul Belmondo, and the whippersnapper, Gérard Depardieu. Oh, and once I saw Spike Lee trying to cross the road near Trocadero.
Trying to act cool around a famous person is hard. I was proud of having a pleasant chat with Paul Newman, who was next to me in line at a hardware store. Then the store manager chased me out yelling,"Miss! Miss! You forgot to sign your check!"
Posted by: Sedulia | 10 May 2006 at 08:27 PM
Ooh, how exciting!!!
I completely get the "gerbil on speed" heartbeat comparison.
I presume Ms. Nola was correct in saying it was the Rue de Rennes Monoprix. You sure as hell don't meet demigods in my loocal Strasbourg St Denis Monop...
Posted by: Mancunian Lass | 10 May 2006 at 08:38 PM
Ok, here's my totally humiliating Hedi story. I am a reporter at a magazine in NYC, and he was in town doing press on the line of watches they released...last year? The year before? At the last minute, the person who had planned to interview him bailed, so I made my way down to the too-cool-to-have-a-sign hotel in SoHo where they'd rented a suite for interviews, and waited a while, chatting in French and English depending on which PR person was around, and finally went up to the suite. Now, I am NOT a fashion-scene person, I'm too oblivious. I hadn't seen any photos of him. So I go into the suite and am chatting with the PR person and the incredibly handsome young man who was in the room as well, and we're talking and talking (all in French), and then the PR person takes off and the handsome guy sits down and says something like "so, shall we start?" and I realized DAMMIT, this was Hedi! But we'd been talking in French for 5 minutes, and he seemed to want to do the INTERVIEW in French, and I finally had to admit that I really couldn't discuss why the inner working of this watch were special in French—my vocabulary failed me. Yikes. And I was totally flustered because I'd been waiting for some old guy to come in for the interview....blarg. He was lovely and so sweet, though.
Posted by: Kate | 10 May 2006 at 09:00 PM
you are absolutly fabulous!!! good for you to actually be able to talk to him, i would have just died right there or mummbled somthing ridiculious as i follwed him around.
Posted by: ering | 10 May 2006 at 10:01 PM
This: "So then I told him that what he does is magnificent. Magnifique is the cliché French word that you say if you fucking don’t know French" made me snort out loud.
Coquette > I don't know who Hedi is but I am SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU! SUPER.
xo
m
Posted by: maha | 10 May 2006 at 10:04 PM
I would have asked him about deep thoughts on Tango. I read in a Karl Lagerfeld interview, that he and Heidi Tango together.
Posted by: miss tango | 11 May 2006 at 01:39 AM
Merci, tu m'as donne mon premier sourire de la journee... magnifique ;-)
Posted by: Pink | 11 May 2006 at 03:11 AM
I used to eat apricot baby food in highschool for lunch. It's true - skinny people eat baby food. It's a tasty snack though. I love chocolate more though. Especially chocolate cheesecake! I want to go to paris and eat french food, especially molten chocolate.
Posted by: Guinevere | 11 May 2006 at 03:32 AM
such a great story! i commend you for having the guts to approach him, and spoke to him in french, no less.
i actually just passed by him on the street last week or the week before here in new york, in soho. super skinny, cute, wearing different shades of black and navy blue. i just stared, discreetly.
i'm glad he was so gracious, that's always an added plus.
Posted by: shannon | 11 May 2006 at 04:20 AM
that's so funny - I would have just hidden behind a packet of washing powder and stalked him probably. Well done for your quick thinking! Now if only you had proof of which kind of solids he had in his cart - headline: 'Hedi eats Pringles'
Posted by: Claire | 11 May 2006 at 11:06 AM
Ms NOLA, yes! It was the Monoprix on rue de Rennes, which I shop at not because it is the closest--where I live is not nearly so chichi--but because it is the only store *within miles* that is open past 8pm. And I have this routine where I like to grocery shop at night and enjoy a quiet walk home on the much-less-crowded-at-night blvd. Saint Germain.
Bold Soul, you are very rational. Celebrity worship is out of control. Trust me, I don't miss Access Hollywood one lick here. However, meeting a hero can be a bit of magic and I don't think it precludes having personal self esteem.
Neil, what a coincidence! I blog in metallic blue jeans, too!
Kate, that is a great story. I can totally see that happening to me.
Posted by: Coquette | 11 May 2006 at 12:37 PM
Coquette: Nice story...how fun is that? LOVE that this all took place in a French food market.
Bold Soul: LOVE the comment. That's right...he's breathing HER air! That's what being fierce and diva is all about!
Baby Food: I will never eat you. Your strained, tooth-friendly texture repulses me.
Posted by: Medina | 11 May 2006 at 05:49 PM
I find your post so funny, I mean the story not you (maybe you too if I imagine the scene). But I don't know who is "Hedi Fucking Slimane", even with photo. So I don't unerstand exactly why you were so excited but ... I'm happy for you too.
Posted by: seb | 11 May 2006 at 06:10 PM
That was a fun post to read. You had me freaking out and I don’t have a clue who he is either.
Here’s my lame celebrity story: a good friend was over in Nashville visiting from England. The very day I had expressed how much I dislike country music, especially Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, guess who we bump into – THEM and their kids. My wife introduces me and I shake their hand and say “so nice to meet you” all the while feeling like a total dick. How awkward.
Glad your experience was with someone you admire, and slightly more positive.
Posted by: mdx | 11 May 2006 at 06:51 PM
When I met him at the launch of his perfume a couple years back (Dior privatised the Louvre...) , he was so off his tree that he couldn't talk...
Posted by: Adrian | 11 May 2006 at 10:01 PM
Adrian: someone had obviously spiked his babyfood.
Posted by: Mancunian Lass | 11 May 2006 at 10:19 PM
Je suis absolument morte de rire... et de jalousie ! (sauf qu'à ta place je ne l'aurais même pas vu, et j'aurais encore moins osé l'aborder :)
Posted by: Géraldine | 12 May 2006 at 12:09 AM
What a great post! That's so great that you did go up to talk to him. I never would have had the guts and then I would have been kicking myself for months afterwards
Posted by: La Page Française | 12 May 2006 at 10:10 AM
Apricot baby food IS good.
That's so awesome you talked to him, good for you!
Posted by: Scarlet | 12 May 2006 at 05:02 PM
that's pretty awesome. i've definitely flipped my crap when meeting famous people before. sure would be nice to be able to afford, let alone être assez petit, to wear his stuff. hope life over there is nice. sure does suck here in ohio...
Posted by: colin | 12 May 2006 at 08:14 PM
I had the very same experience in Fort Lauderdale airport with Lazaro Fuckin; Hernandez, the cuter half of Proenza Schouler. I stalked him for 15 minutes, while I tried to figure out how to approach him and what I would say. I ran to the newstand to buy the latest copy of Vogue, which I made him autograph when I finally worked up the nerve. He was GORGEOUS, so modest and vraiment gentil. As soon as I got back to New York, I ran to Barneys and bought my first piece of Proenza Schouler.
I was tickled pink to read your account of meeting Hedi because of my meeting Lazaro. Thanks. By the way, are you PMSing? You usually don't use the "F" word in your blog.
Posted by: Trudy C | 14 May 2006 at 03:59 AM
Oops, typed the wrong email address before.
Posted by: Trudy C | 14 May 2006 at 04:00 AM
"It's not Hedley. It's Hedi!"
Posted by: DDJ | 14 May 2006 at 04:58 AM
I know how yu feel but at the end of the day air is air. You're worth more than ten of him anyway. x
Posted by: fjl | 14 May 2006 at 09:53 PM
Hey Coquette,
I've been following your blog for a while now and I love reading your posts! This last one on Hedi is absolutely hilarious! I'm French and Parisian (and a brand new blogger by the way, let's see how this new business goes :-)) and I think your view of my city and country is very accurate.
Congratulations btw on your new French passport, how does it feel to be a froggie now?!
Posted by: Ana | 15 May 2006 at 02:40 PM
Thanks Ana, I like your blog! You have to call that writer guy.
Posted by: Coquette | 15 May 2006 at 04:53 PM
Thanks! It's only a beginning... only 3 notes, yet..
Of course, I did call the writer... That will be the topic of my next post :-)
Posted by: Ana | 15 May 2006 at 07:56 PM
That's awesome!
It's really cool meetign people like that in ordinary situations... you should have seen me when I met Angelina Jolie at Wholefoods. That was comedy!
Posted by: annush | 16 May 2006 at 01:25 PM
Coquette, I saw you near Notre-Dame today! You seemed lost in your thoughts so I thought better not to bother you.
"OMG, Elisabeth Fourmont shared air with me at St Michel!"
;)
Posted by: Peppermint | 16 May 2006 at 08:27 PM
That is so funny! I went to have my blood tested at a lab on the quai Saint Michel and then I swung by Shakespere and Co to check out the used books. You totally should have said hello!
Posted by: Coquette | 16 May 2006 at 08:49 PM
Hee! So I wasn't hallucinating! Actually I was coming back from Shakespeare and Co when I saw you coming the opposite way. I stared at you wondering what to say. You looked tired, but still very pretty! :)
Aaaw. I promise to say hello if I see you again. ;)
Posted by: Peppermint | 16 May 2006 at 09:36 PM
Hahaha, very funny.
In any case, even though his father is Tunisian and his mother Italian, I would still advise that you stay away from someone born in Paris... Although, if I think about it, you can also buy aspirins at Monoprix right...?
Posted by: Uranus | 17 May 2006 at 12:35 AM
Thats awesome! Its cool that you said something to him. I imagine I'd be tongue tied if I ever DO meet someone I admire. Must go and prepare a list of things to say for that occasion. Will you please tell us the exact location of the grocery store so that I can stalk him when I'm in Paris?
Posted by: Barneys Girl | 17 May 2006 at 07:36 AM
I'm glad his choice of boyfriends has improved since the Karl Lagerfeld days. And don't knock baby food- some of the plum ones are delicious.
Posted by: Asian Lep | 24 May 2006 at 08:18 PM
He is beautiful.
Posted by: fin | 31 May 2006 at 08:40 PM
hey, I also met Hedi Slimane it was at Bataclan for the Babyshambles' concert.When you live in Paris and go out you met a lot of french or international celebrities so i'm sure you could met him again and if you don't speak french speak in english :) or say "je suis ravie de vous rencontrer, votre travail est fantastique, merci"
ps: if you really want to see Hedi Slimane go to the next Babyshambles' concert in Paris (maybe in london), he is a great friend of Pete Doherty...
Posted by: emwa | 10 June 2006 at 01:30 PM
Fantastic! I love your story, perfectly written and all, you cracked me up! You lucky girl! :D Keep it up! ;)
Posted by: Royal-Galliano | 04 July 2006 at 10:38 AM