Last October, my French friend Nathan joined my gym in Paris and I was pleased to be present during his first session at my gym, which also had the distinction of being his first time working out at ANY gym EVER. In the period just before he joined, Nathan sent me more than one email saying “I cannot believe I ham joining a sports club!! You know!!?” In my head, his emails have a French accent.
There are certain elliptical machines, the old school models, mostly, where a person can ellipticize any which way he chooses--backwards, forwards, hokey pokey style--and everything works out just fine. But on the newer machines, going backwards makes your arms SHOOT forward and your torso bend down at the exact moment your knees POP up, producing a spectacular effect for onlookers, not unlike witnessing an African tribal dancer or an agitated chicken. I’ll never forget witnessing Nathan’s spidery limbs flail like a possessed marionette, as well as the look of naked panic in his eyes when he asked if he was doing this properly, to which I replied, “You look great!"
I was walking home on the rue de Vaugirard around 10 pm after Chicken Dance Spectacular #2, my second workout with Nathan, when I got a call from my sister. My sister commented that it was late, too late for me to be ANYWHERE buying ANYTHING, so how was it possible that I was not at my apartment drinking and eating like a proper French person?
“Oh well, Nathan and I swung by McDonald’s after the gym,” I told her.
Sometimes it just happens now that I have lived in France for a bit, I’ll find myself saying something like, “I just swung by McDonald’s after the gym” or “Really? You think paté smells like cat food?” in a throwaway manner to a fellow American and then records scratch and the room goes silent and I clear my throat to the sounds of crickets chirping.
“You did WHAT?”
“I went to McDonald’s with Nathan after the gym. Oh Aimee, it’s not like in the US--it’s really good quality and plus, the portions are smaller here,” I explained.
This is the part where those who have spent some time in France chuckle to themselves for two reasons:
1. Learning that the French enjoy McDonald’s is a shocking rite of passage for expats, as memorable as learning that the Mona Lisa is approximately the size of a postage stamp and that President Mitterand had two families (one by wife, one by mistress) and everyone really was just fine with that, really.
2. Once you have learned that the French eat McDonald's and it is actually OK--you will not be tarred and feathered for doing so--you have entered a frightening new realm, a dangerous realm, a realm I have visited a few too many times called Cheeseburger Justification. Don’t pretend like you've never tried to justify the cheeseburger--YOU KNOW YOU HAVE.
Yes, the French have a love affair with McDonald's. My theory has long been that the food is better, the portions more dainty, the special mayonnaise for the fries more refined--otherwise how could the delicate French palette enjoy it? But you want to know what? I’m not sure if it is better. I just tell other Americans that because it seems to reassure them. And I like to see that look on their faces, when their faces go from a horrified manifestation of "IF THE FRENCH LOVE MCDONALD’S THAN GOOD GOD WHAT ELSE MIGHT BE TRUE?" to a more relaxed, “You know, I’ve always said those Egg McMuffins were pretty damn good.”
But I didn’t tell my sister how Nathan Workout #1 ended: in the consumption of kirs (me) and Coca Cola (Nathan) at a nearby café.
Hmmm. I would probably have the look of disbelief because you ate McDonald's AFTER going to the gym. I have been known to give the same reaction to friends here in the U.S.
Posted by: Dagny | 25 January 2006 at 11:31 PM
Yes, it's the gym-McDo nexus that startles.
Posted by: R J Keefe | 26 January 2006 at 12:10 AM
I should say before I get into trouble that McDo was my idea in the first place, not Nathan's...but I've been brainwashed by living in France into thinking it's healthy! It's so counter-intuitive to what you would think in that most of my friends in America won't touch it.
I blame it on Guigui--he goes swimming for exercise and then follows it with McDo almost daily.
Posted by: Coquette | 26 January 2006 at 12:23 AM
Good God, Coquette, thank you for verbalizing the theory I've had for years re the French and MacDo. I've never know how to express it, but now I do!
Posted by: Skorky | 26 January 2006 at 12:50 AM
Shit, you're working the elliptical machine. That burns mad calories which you've gotta replenish somehow.
Might as well replenish glycogen stores with salty french fries.
I gorge on Triscuits, myself, but there's really not much difference.
Posted by: Chester | 26 January 2006 at 01:20 AM
maybe kirs are fattening...maaaybe... but surely they're not more fattening than macdo? i don't know, the ending of gym visit #1 sounds fine to me!
Posted by: mmf! | 26 January 2006 at 01:52 AM
I thought I was the only one who uses the word "ellipticize" to refer to the action of using the elliptical trainer! Or maybe it's a real word and I'm only suffering under the delusion that I semi-invented it...
By the way, I am absolutely in love with your blog.
Posted by: Sara | 26 January 2006 at 04:39 AM
mmf : 121 Calories in a Kir / 500 for a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
Liz : Where is the part when you said that that I am slender and fit !? ;-)
Anyway, nobody is making fun of my poor me. That's cool.
Posted by: nathan | 26 January 2006 at 09:24 AM
McDo AND kir... you're bad. I do have to admit, however, to using the same justification to my American friends about the McDonalds here.
All fat calories aside, going to the gym with Nathan sounds like enough fun in and of itself. Kinda guy that makes a girl want to work out, ya know...
Posted by: Sammy | 26 January 2006 at 01:22 PM
In France I've seen people in McDo order carottes rapées or another salad starter together with their (normal size) burger and fries, a bottle of evian water, a brownie for dessert and an espresso for digestion. The food is the same, but the way it is eaten is healthier.
Posted by: Kristina | 26 January 2006 at 03:29 PM
what's kir?
Posted by: vera | 26 January 2006 at 05:57 PM
The French obsession with McDonalds is amazing. Ever try explaning to a French person that average American no longer actually eats at McDonalds? They just can't wrap their head around it!
Posted by: misschrisc | 27 January 2006 at 09:26 AM
The frog McD's are much worse than in the US. Stuff stays under the heatlamps for hours, fries stay in unchanged oil,etc Believe it or not..
Posted by: Adrian | 27 January 2006 at 10:40 AM
A kir is a mix of white wine and french blackberry liqueur.
A Royal kir is a mix of Champagne and blackberry liqueur.
got it?
Posted by: nathan | 27 January 2006 at 10:58 AM
thanks, got it
Posted by: vera | 27 January 2006 at 04:39 PM
Coquette -- did you see the recent article in the NYT about the French and how they are dealing with obesity? They have national weigh in days and now apparently are training pediatricians to interrogate parents of obese children.
Fascinating!
Posted by: kelli | 27 January 2006 at 06:17 PM
I agree that the food is prepared much more neatly than in North America. They have some regional specials, like chocolate croissents and what was it called, Big, Big Mac? No I'm not kidding.
Posted by: Andrea | 27 January 2006 at 08:05 PM
I think this must be a time-based thing. After you have been in Paris for a certain amount of time your desire for a strawberry shake overcomes your inate terror that someone you know might spot you there and you just saunter in. In our case we have kids so we can always blame our McIndiscretions on them.
Posted by: c keene | 27 January 2006 at 11:06 PM
Oh god I very nearly spat my kir out I was laughing so hard reading this! The "chicken dance spectacular!" Can I PLEASE come to the gym with you guys when I am back in town next fall? I think I'll skip the McDo however. Miss you guys,
Erin
Posted by: Erin | 28 January 2006 at 12:19 AM
Woh! I have just discover this blog and this is so funny! I am a French student living in the same quarter than you, and next year, I will probably go and study in an American University.
It is quite surprising to see what are according to you our specificities! So, you Americans do not eat in Mac Donald anylonger? Well, you go in other fast food, or?
( By the way, Sorry for my mistakes...)
Posted by: Cécile | 28 January 2006 at 01:01 AM
hey,
i was wondering if you could post the address of the gym you go to - these baguettes are getting to me...
thanks.
Posted by: expat | 28 January 2006 at 03:46 AM
Maybe that s only me, but i dont like mac do:
At lunch time it's crowded so that you don't get served fast.
The portions are small so that you are still hungry when leaving unless you pay about 10€.
I prefer to eat a shawarma, a kebab or an americano, which cost about 3-4euros, you can hardly finish that and they are prepared in front of you in a matter of minutes.
This, or take 30min, pay 10€, go to the restaurant, take a big salad with a glass of wine and appreciate that in a nice place.
Also coquette, you missed the yearly soldes, i think i spent about 400€ there this year buying only things at 50-75% of reduction. This inlude a classy biker-like leather jacket that turns girls crazy.
Posted by: pascal | 28 January 2006 at 01:10 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOOO, you must be mistaking. There is no way a proper french girl would eat in Mc Donald's. I don't know Nathan and that may be a particular petit peche of him but I just can't think of any of my girlfriends in a Mc Do. The sole thought of the smell makes me feel nauseous. This is not food... this is... stuff.
Posted by: Pink | 30 January 2006 at 06:02 AM
LOL! Your post cracked me up. As a french man I have to say that eating at McDo's is ok as long as nobody knows.
Posted by: Eric at Paris Daily Photo | 30 January 2006 at 06:25 AM
I know a friend who visits me from Quebec who always craves McDo's when she comes here. Perhaps it's not just a France thing?
Perhaps all French people crave it? I dunno.
Posted by: Antoine | 30 January 2006 at 11:25 PM
I cannot relate. I hate McDonalds...or actually,I love it but I can't eat it because it puts my body into a hypoglycemic shock due to the sugar content in all of thier food. It sucks so bad.
Posted by: Kassi | 01 February 2006 at 07:18 AM
kir correction: a "standard" kir is made with blackCURRANT (cassis) not blackBERRY (mur).
However, "kir au mur" is also delicious even though it sounds as if the cocktail somehow got stuck on the wall.
Coquette, I was in your neighbourhood a few days ago. Pastis at Maubert, a hilarious dinner at the Balzar....
Posted by: Stu "El Inglés" Harris | 03 February 2006 at 02:24 AM
I follow my workouts with a dozen chocolate cream-filled donuts.
Who do you think is cuter, Coquette- Heath Ledger or Jake Gyllenhaal?
Posted by: Asian Lep | 03 February 2006 at 09:50 PM
Going to have to go with the Jake.
Posted by: Coquette | 03 February 2006 at 09:56 PM
Oh, I feel so violated!
Posted by: Amy Alkon | 06 February 2006 at 05:42 AM
very funny tale or story, I think that the story has two point of view becouse said alo of contradiction but the blog is good.
Posted by: buy viagra | 16 November 2010 at 09:09 PM