Last month, I talked briefly to a couple of television producers who had heard that I have an interest in fashion. They produce a program where four women sit around an apartment and chat as if there are no cameras and then they invite guests and continue to chat as if there are no cameras. I would be a guest.
The show's theme, I was told, was “Fashion Veecteems," and even though I don’t do much to act like a professional here, for the full fifteen minutes we talked on the phone, I had the idea in my head that this is what they wanted me to be--a professional. You know when they call the lady from In Style onto The View? I thought it would be like that. I told a shoe shopping story that made them laugh, they told me they thought my American accent was charming, I think they thought I was charming.
I was in rare form the afternoon I spoke to them.
It wasn’t until the end of the interview when I realized that things weren’t exactly as they seemed. I realized they wanted me to be the victim.
Moi, je suis la victime?
Ben oui!
I think I had to sit down at that point.
Because if you ask me, a fashion victim is someone swayed by trends and celebrity dressing, with little sense of personal style, who probably makes purchases of an exceedingly extravagant nature. A fashion victim would covet thy Jessica Simpson. I would never covet my Jessica Simpson. Au contraire.
It turns out that her idea of a fashion victim was not so extremist, but still, I couldn’t do it. Even though I may have borderline shoe tendencies, and even though I have a whole category on my blog devoted to “Shopping!” (For the record, the exclamation point is supposed to be funny--read as “SHOPPING!” *insert jazz hands*). “No,” I told her, “I'm not the person you're looking for. Normally, I make well informed decisions when I shop, choosing a few items I can wear again and again so that I can live my life. I love clothes, and I’m pretty darn good at clothes, but I don’t want to think about clothes all the time.”
By then, the producer had fallen asleep.
Cut to the last couple of weeks.
I like to call this portion of the post: “How the knowledge that you will attend a handful of fashion shows can short circuit your brain.” Alternate title: “Maybe I am the type of person who wears a cape!”
A glimpse of what things have been like around here:
Capes/trapeze coats
Will the cape be a joke next season? Because remember this Cacharel cape? The picture does not even do justice to the glory that is the cape. I am a different person in this cape. But if I wore it to a friend’s home for drinks, would I feel like I’m the type of person who shouts, “Avast!”?
Black tapered jeans
Two years in the making but I’m finally ready. Length, however, proves problematic. I’m not going for Audrey Hepburn (then I would find something in the high ankle region, like the silk, YSL cigarette pants). I want them all tight and a little scrunchy at the bottom. But if they’re too scrunchy, I will look like I’m trying to be a hipster. We can’t have that.
Ballet slippers
All I want to wear are Repetto ballet slippers all the time; I want to be the discreet french girl gliding into the room in flat slippers. But there are issues. Vanity: Will I feel like the Pillsbury Doughboy? Confidence: If I run into someone scary and I am wearing ballet shoes, will I feel even more timid? Safety: Could Anna Wintour eat me in ballet slippers?
Covered-up chic
A while ago, the Fugly girls made fun of my favorite outfit ever! Have I gotten into this pretentious nebulous region of only wearing what’s understood by an esoteric few? Why can’t I look at anything without a collar that goes up to my eyebrows? Can I wear flats and high collars simultaneously? Must you be willowy like Diane Keaton in Annie Hall or Sophie Coppola to pull off all that menswear stuff? Scarlett Johansson sort of rocks it in Lost in Translation, and she’s curvy! But I guess that’s more a collegiate, A.P.C. meets Marc Jacobs style. Tricky.
Peter Pan collars
Totally still digging them for three (3) years running, and YET! I only own one (1) polka dotted Peter Pan collared shirt because I keep thinking it will end! But it does not! All these years, I could have been wearing the Peter Pan collar! WASTED! But I should totally buy that ivory, "See by Chloe" Peter Pan collared shirt--we all think so, non?
Pretty heels...too early 2000’s?
Okay, so if I were to wear heels, they need to be platformy and substantial, like the patent leather shoes showed by every designer last season (Prada, Lanvin, Louis Vuitton, etc.) But all of my heels are dainty! Maybe I need to move to NY.
Not to be controversial, but I’m off color
If you like color, it’s okay! I’ll still be your friend! But I had an epiphany a while back and color is O-U-T. It was during the collections in March when I looked out at the editors and they were a sea of black, white, champagne, and navy--the colors in which you can purchase a Mercedes. Mercedes don’t come in pink or lime green. Ever since then, I haven’t been attracted to color at all except for one pair of red shoes.
Look at what Prada did this season. She started the hedonism thing years ago and now just look at her. Miuccia always knows. Metallics are still fine, and obviously considered a neutral.
Are you frightened? I just went back and read this and it scares me a little too. Well, the shows start today--time to go shine my boots! (That’s not some euphemism. I really am going to polish my boots--it’s very “the poor boy changes clothes and puts on aftershave, to compensate for his off-label shoes.”) Vive le Pret a Porter!
Be my friend, please. Or do my shopping for me. Maybe the American style comes from the large amount of students that follow me around...
Posted by: Gina | 03 October 2005 at 01:53 PM
I meant "my" American style. Not yours. Sorry, distracted by the other people around here.
Posted by: Gina | 03 October 2005 at 01:55 PM
You, my dear, are no fashion victim! Au contraire. And those tv producers should put down the crack pipe.
Shall I remind you of how you counseled me that frantic Saturday afternoon? When I was about to make a shopping faux pas and you so wisely said, "don't buy a pair of shoes just to wear for tonight." And lo, I was saved by that rope you tossed me. And two days later, did I not find the shoes I wanted AND the boots? Oh yes, my dear. You are La Source! Have a splendid time at the shows and bring it al back to us without fail.
Posted by: elizabeth | 03 October 2005 at 03:16 PM
Your mind is certainly in the right place for fashion week, thinking the right things, making the right analyses.
That Prada link? I like it from the hips down. But the top...she could be standing behind a Clinique counter and I wouldn't know the difference.
Posted by: DDJ | 03 October 2005 at 05:19 PM
Merci I feel better now. Here I was feeling that I'd get arrested any moment for not wearing Converse like the rest of Paris and now you give me hope that there's a chance the reason everybody looks me up and down is that they're admiring my ballet shoes? Or is the looking up and down thing default Parisian behaviour? Hmm, just answered my own question. On the subject of skinny jeans, there's no getting away from it - mine make me look like all the croissants went to my thighs. Oh they did. And I can't even tell you my own fashion week short circuit behaviour, it's too pathetic but it involves a panic bought Vanessa Bruno bag in a dubious colour. Excuse the long comment, I've been lurking for months!
Posted by: Claire | 03 October 2005 at 10:32 PM
Good for you - stick to your guns. You should have your OWN show... and certainly not as a Fashion Victeeem! WTF??
There's nothing wrong with your fashion choices and don't let those TV producers make you second-guess. How much great fashion is on French TV anyway??
Posted by: la.dauphine | 04 October 2005 at 03:23 AM
Interesting post, it reminds me thta I have to write something about boots in japan this season.
Posted by: Miss P | 04 October 2005 at 03:50 AM
Arg mais arrête un peu, la mode est une arnaque!
Habille toi de tenues élégantes et agréables, et emmerde tous ces vendeurs de fringues et ces publicitaires qui veulent te modeler à leur façon!
Posted by: Sculder & Muldy | 04 October 2005 at 11:14 AM
Thank goodness for the return of the skinny jean. I have always liked the Audrey Hepburn look in pants. Last fall I was wearing my fave pair of tapered black pants and feeling so Audrey when one of my students tried to tell me that they were so out. This was a girl wearing a denim miniskirt with Ugz. I told her that I do not let others dictate what I should wear but instead wear what looks good on me while occasionally incorporating some of the trendier pieces. Now she is what I would call a fashion victim. Perhaps I should see if she can go to France to appear on the show.
Posted by: Dagny | 04 October 2005 at 05:05 PM
I ended up buying a whole bunch of ballet flats last year because I could hardly walk to classes in heels over cobblestones. However, every day was an exercise in trying not to think, "I know these aren't doing anything for my legs".
Posted by: Gloria | 04 October 2005 at 06:19 PM
Liz, you so just described yourself as your definition of a fashion victim (someone who is swayed by trends)!!!!!!!! Come on, you love peter pan collars but you haven't let yourself buy anymore because they might go out of style? You dissapoint me! Style is what looks good on you and what you feel comfortable in. You can pull off any look you want as long as you're comfortable in it. I live by the simple rule that if I have a "trendy" outfit and I'm kind of nervous about wearing it even though I know it's cool, I DON'T WEAR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget fashion, forget runways and magazines. Wear what you like and what makes you happy. High fashion was never made for normal people to wear anyways. I miss the funny stories on your blog. Maybe you can revive an old one that I used to beg you to tell me over and over! The fashion victim incident was pretty good though. That's definitely one that I'll make you tell me in person-word for word! Are you coming to visit me in NYC again this year? I hope so. Love you- C
Posted by: cort | 06 October 2005 at 04:37 PM
Cort, Am I that inscrutable? *Brief* flashes of fashion victim! Come on, even someone as perfect as me gets to be human too, right? :)
Posted by: Coquette | 06 October 2005 at 05:55 PM
Skinny dark jeans were in last year among the kids. Of course, now the adults are copying it. As for the scrunched at the ankle, depends how you wear it. If the rest of your look, aka, hair/shirt/colour scheme, does not match, don't bother. It's that serious. Plus, you should have gazelle-style legs if you want to pull this off properly... otherwise FORGET IT.
Speaking of which, I'm so sick of those Japanese kids at all those fashion shows. They dress like cartoon copies of some magazine... I swear... they're just looking for the next look to copy. It's so vacuous and oddly animal-like.
In case you hadn't figured out, black and pastels are the colours for spring. So, stick to your black... you'll be fine... god, I hate fashion week.
Are you going to the Westwood parties?
Posted by: nardac | 06 October 2005 at 09:16 PM
When are capes coming back for men? I would like nothing more than to burst into my local Trader Joes like Zorro or Superman with my cape flying behind me. I'm thinking the chicks in Hollywood would love my dramatic new look.
Posted by: Neil | 10 October 2005 at 04:58 PM
Don't you worry about the Fugly girls. The Fugly girls are clueless and fat.
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I love fugly, but sometimes they get it really wrong.
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