The go-to joke would be: Perhaps they were filming for the Discovery Channel

Last week, I was at Day One of the Cacharel press sale.  At lunch hour.

When I stated this fact to my sister, she said “Why?” and I calmly explained that stores give formidable discounts to people with power, hoping they will wear the clothes to the right places and be seen by the right people.  Welcome to the world of marketing, little one. 

And she rolled her 18-year-old eyes and said “I know what a press sale is, but why’d they invite YOU?” 

They didn’t.  They invited my friend.  But the more important question is: since when do 18-year-olds from Florida know about press sales?

If the words "day one, press sale, at lunch hour" don’t inspire you to pop a tranquilizer, then you’ve obviously never been to a press sale. 

When I arrived, I went to say hello to my friend in the dressing rooms where it was a maelstrom of flying boobs and bras, and a women with no pants on was doing business on her cell phone, stopping only to give birth to kittens when the saleslady returned without her size.

Stepping back into the store, I nearly tripped on a camera crew and I thought, why?  For what purpose is this being documented?  And what are they doing filming on this side of the curtain?  They are so missing all the good kitten-birthing action.

As farce would have it, I soon had my own adorable little mix-up that began with a blouse that I wanted to buy.  There was but one left in my size and the saleslady informed me that someone else was currently trying it on. 

When the woman-with-the-blouse-of-my-desires emerged from her dressing room, she indicated that she would, indeed, be purchasing said blouse. 

The saleslady began walking the item to the register, and it was only when she got TO the register, on the clear other side of the store that she clarified for my benefit, “Madame, I’ve made an error!  YOU’RE waiting for the last [my size], and what we've got here is the last [twiggy french girl size, smaller even, than toddler’s clothing].”   

Now, I’ve worked in retail off and on for, oh, my entire high school and collegiate career.  I’ve seen ALL the Victoria’s Secret training videos, and if I remember correctly, they more or less indicate you will be gagged with g-strings and executed to a slow death of cheap perfume inhalation if you go around calling out sizes for THE ENTIRE STORE AND THEIR CAMERA CREW TO HEAR.  There is an etiquette for size discussion and indoor voices are fine and outdoor voices are not, am I RIGHT HERE, LADIES AND METROSEXUAL MEN?

Which is why the saleslady was very, very lucky when all I said was a playful, “Careful there, I’m American.  You might give me a complex.”

Without missing a beat, she shot back, “Oh, it’s true.  The Americans, you don’t know how to be comfortable with your bodies.”  (Bien dans votre peau, literally--“good in your skin.”)

And like a little wooden ball, my sense of humor went skittering to the farthest left-hand rung on the evolution chart, the rung where you scratch under your arms and your back is entirely swathed in monkey hair--the rung where you have no sense of humor, but you know how to TAKE OFFENSE and GRUNT and ATTACK.  Which probably explains why the first thing that came to mind was “Yes, if only we Americans could take your lead, maybe we, too, could be 'good' in our Marlboro-smoking, size zero, anorexic, sack-of-bones skin.”

When I was tripping home later, a Cacharel bag jauntily poised in the crook of my arm, I wondered, what would have happened if I’d actually said those words?  Would an onlooker have shouted, “Oh, SNAP!”  Would there have been a catfight?

And the camera crew?  Oh right, NOW their presence makes sense.

Comments

[Stu "El Inglés" Harris]

>>I’ve seen ALL the Victoria’s Secret training videos,

OOooo, they sound like fun. How could we get pirate .wmv versions?

[Gloria]

Hellllloooo, where is the picture of the shirt (and whatever else you ended up buying)..

[cncz]

it reminds me of the book "french women don't get fat" where the author went on and on about their healthy eating habits.
yeah I wouldn't be fat if I had cigarettes and coffee for breakfast and fasted the rest of the day or was a casual bulimic. I had lived in France off and on for ten years and every female i was close to thought it was normal to throw up, and did, when they ate too much.
Don't mind me, I'm a bitter size 38 American.

[Asian Leprechaun]

At least we don't have hair in our pits.

[Bob]

My axim when shopping for my wife...buy petite and save the receipt. That comes from when I bought her a pair of pantyhose, at her request, and didn't know that I had to pick a size to go with the color. She's 5'7" and the first package I found with that size on it ended up being QUEEN. We were newlyweds, she burst out crying, and I had no idea why...

Now, let's get back to flying boobs and bras!!!

[Nomadiccamelbreeder]

God, How come you're always in the right places at the right time all the time????? Why don't they do sales days in the UK??? With invitations to the dreassing rooms full of flying boobs and giving birth to kittens while wearing no pants???? I think i am in the wrong country!!!! Excuse me while I go to find JetAir's phone number..

[Coquette]

CNCZ, ummm, I so hear you. The widespread belief seems to be that eating disorders don't exist amongst the french and sadly, that's just not true. Re: smoking, I get a nice superior feeling when I think about having a gym habit instead. Alas, not always effective when comparing oneself to a twig-girl.

Gloria, I got *two* tops--naughty, naughty.

Bob, "buy petite and save the receipt"--you are a wise, wise man.

[Negrito]

Scuse me miss, but...you sis was wrong. The correct question was : but why would you wear Cacharel, even at Press sale price, it is so...old fashioned ? ;-)

[Negrito]

I meant... does this do not prove that you really are a fashion victim and that you need< an urgent cure , like..real press sales, Galliano/Prada ???

[Coquette]

Dearest King Negrito, If there's one thing I know in this world--one corner in which I am entirely confident of my opinion--it's clothes. Cacharel is neither old fashioned, nor fashion-victim-y! You become a victim when you wear something that's not your style to be trendy, non? Cacharel is cheeky, colorful, french and entirely me.

As a fashion enthusiast and critic, I adore designers who do what they do well--from Ann Demeulemeester to Alber Elbaz to Galliano to Prada. I would look riCOCKulous though, in anything avant-garde like Demeulemeester. I mean, look at my website--it's fucking pink.

Cacharel rocks. Wow, that felt really good. Thank you Negrito. Kisses!

P.S. If you get a royal invitation to the Prada press sale I'm invited, right? ;)

[juliana]

It's really normal for french women to throw up after they eat?!

*horrified*

[Stu "El Inglés" Harris]

>>It's really normal for french women to throw up after they eat?!

NO

[b]

Um, just curious about these press sales--is it open only to the fashion press or any body who has a byline?

Trying to figure out how to get into these myself....

[schuey]

I do receive the Prada press sales invitations... :P

But I tend to agree with the king, I raise serious doughts about Cacharel. I guess that yes it's very french but not necessarly in a good way, but then "les gouts et les couleurs".

I'd suggest Rochas, Olivier Theyskens has done a grand job with this brand...

[Coquette]

Yeehaw! I try to keep fashion talk from getting too esoteric on the site, (don't want to lose the Midwest--ha ha, just kidding, I love you Midwest!!) but since y’all are getting all confrontational about Cacharel---LET’S GET DOWN WITH OUR FASHION-Y BAD SELVES.

Steph, I was at the Rochas show. Me likey. I’ve been on shoots that have used Rochas, I’ve examined the construction of many a piece in the Paris office I worked at. It’s solid stuff and Olivier is perhaps a genius and certainly an artist. (I mean, he's trying to create a new silhoutte, that's admirable.) Here’s the thing: In what real life scenario does a woman walk around in a black pencil skirt and bustier? And that’s just his daytime look. I don’t want to go out looking like I’m in costume.

Cacharel, yes, the ruffles are fucking awful. I don’t do ruffles. But it’s cheeky and irreverent and something DIFFERENT in Paris. For the girl who likes to dress up. The Marc Jacobs-type girl. Peter pan collars, sweaters with cartoon faces, COLOR. It takes style to wear this stuff. Anyone can walk into Et Vous and look instantly hip in something beige, dirty pink, black, or gray. And some days I do just that. But somedays you just need a little Cash-arel. It's so money and you don’t even know it, baby.

This comment sounds like a post. I might have to post this...perhaps with a pic of the top(s)?

[schuey]

Yeah we need to sort out this with the top pic.

"In what real life scenario does a woman walk around in a black pencil skirt and bustier? And that’s just his daytime look. I don’t want to go out looking like I’m in costume."

What a pity I say ;)

[GdP]

Anyone who doesn't like Cacharel is lame. Point.

[sammy]

The nice thing about twiggy, boob-less, anorexic French women is that if one gets on my nerves I can just crush her with my healthy American thighs.

[Marilyn]

This may be my favorite Coquette post yet...

[Stu "El Inglés" Harris]

This is obviously a hot topic. The current "New Yorker" has a cartoon facetiously depicting "The pre-dawn roundup of fat french women"

[annush]

I really enjoyed this post though not for the obvious reasons and to be honest I won't tell you the reasons for fear of your french-american wrath :)

[annush]

I really enjoyed this post though not for the obvious reasons and to be honest I won't tell you the reasons for fear of your french-american wrath :)

[Coquette]

Ahem, going on record here to say that France as a whole has admirable eating habits, habits that other countries can learn a lot from. Eating disorders (from my experience) are much more prevalent in the US, but that doesn't mean I don't see it here too.

A link to the excellent roundtable Clotilde participated in over at The Morning News.

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/
personalities/roundtable_the_french_paradox.php

[DDJ]

Funny Midwestern comment, but so true. I mean, when do we have the time to learn about fashion? Between churning the butter and running out to the well to pump the evening's water, there just aren't enough hours in the day to page through the latest Vogue.

I keed! I keed! Love the post.

[Alisa]

This post made me laugh out loud, more than three times!

The comments are interesting too.

But the laughing out loud is not an easily achieved result from reading. Your writing is great, and this was one of your best!

Thanks for this :)

[Auntie M]

Sounds like a fun day shopping. Nothing like a little excitement while making some wonderful purchases.

[Jecca]

Answer to original question: You are right.

Coquette, we have more in common than I thought (I still own my Professional Bra Fitter lapel pin). If you and I had to learn eighty zillion euphemisms to avoid offending a customer, so can Cacharel girl.

[Indigo]

30 years olds from the Midwest who've read every Shopaholic book knows what a press sale is. ;-)

[Harrods Girl]

OMG, I am SO jealous! I love Cacharel this season, but am too cheap to afford anything. And you got to go to a press sale? *stars in the eyes* I am dreaming of that right now, (together with a Marc by Marc Jacobs sale would be perfect.) You MUST show us what you bought! Take a picture! I really want to see it! How much discount did you get?

[Negrito]

Steph, coquette : maybe I am too french to be able to distinguish the subtilities in Cacharel, I mean like when I see tourists in extasy in front of a garcon de cafe, where I only see ond old boring and mumbling ugly man and maybe I m not yet italian enough, to still look in awe at Prada's.

But next time I got Prada sales info I call you. They don't do my size :-(

[Dagny]

Omigod! Any salesperson who dares to broadcast what size you wear (well, that is to say if you wear anything larger than size 4 American) deserves to be slapped and hard.

As for the press sale thing, I know what one is but so does anyone else who is obsessed with fashion. (My obsession began somewhere around age 15 or 16 when I repeatedly asked, "Can't I go and visit our relatives in New York in the summer?") I've always imagined the sales to be similar to when Filene's puts wedding dresses on sale.

[jess/ ncn]

did you mean the discovery chanel? aaah hahahaha...

[candice]

>Alas, not always effective when comparing oneself to a twig-girl.

My mantra against the twigs (as I'm thin-ish and top-heavy.) is "They may be thinner than me, but I have better boobs." You may be able to employ it as well.

[masson]

hello,

i am one of the main Rochas press sale of Rochas organised in collaboration with the famous twin sisters valerie & veronique masson, contact me i could send information about the sales and give the opportunity to come, the address.

veronique masson

[Henry]

"The nice thing about twiggy, boob-less, anorexic French women is that if one gets on my nerves I can just crush her with my healthy American thighs."

You know, I wouldn't mind seeing that GdP. The idea of you crushing a french woman with you thighs is kind of a turn on, lol.

[Farmerfinance]

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