American Birthday Cake, Paragon of Exoticism

When you live abroad longer than a three-month school term, you pass the point of “I want to blend in.”  You live here, you shop here. You acquire Converse sneakers, Et Vous jackets, and a furrow in your brow when the bus doesn’t come.  Pretty soon, you’re approached by Germans in fanny packs asking directions to the Panthéon in guidebook french.

Of course, let's be honest--there are many things you might also do, things that broadcast HELLO, I AM NOT NATIVE.  Wearing your gym clothes to the grocery store, or say, failing to starve your boobs away like a proper French girl.

But the point is, you walk like you know where you’re going and you wear something reasonably adult, and 87% of the time, you’re taken for a Parisian. 

And if you’re like me, that’s when you want to be different.  That's when you find yourself clinging to things you would never, ever cling to in the US. 

Collegiate t-shirts at the gym.  Jimmy Buffet and the Barenaked Ladies.  Margaritas.  You find yourself waxing poetic about Cheerios, Conan O’Brian, and good mexican food.  Costco and parking lots.  The Macy’s Day Parade.  Target. You find yourself arguing in the wee hours of the morning why The Simpsons are, indeed brilliant. 

“I just don’t sink eet’s so funny.  Homer, pshhht. Eet’s crude, non?” 

And after a year of the world's finest desserts--macaroons, gateaux moelleux au chocolat, tarte tatin--you just might find yourself getting damn nostalgic for an icing coated, make-your-teeth ache, good old fashioned american birthday cake. 

You see, this Friday, there's going to be a joint party for me (my birthday is May 13th), Sophie, and Caro (their birthdays were yesterday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LES FILLES).  I’ve contacted one american caterer who no longer delivers to Paris.  If I must resort to something delicious and french, fine, but I still thought I'd ask, can anyone recommend?  You may suggest I make the cake myself.  This would be a happy suggestion IF ONLY I HAD AN OVEN.

Also, while I’ve opened the advice lines, can someone please tell me why the Favela friggin Chic wont allow you to reserve a table in advance?  Because I just can't do another Hotel Costes experience, I just can't. 

Comments

[Gloria]

Happy early birthday!

Heh. You could always make Jello. It doesn't require an oven. Actually, I was watching the Food Network yesterday, and there was this rather nice recipe for a Prosecco and fruit gelatin. I don't know how American it is, though.

[charlie]

You're living my dream! You're in Paris! Oh how I wish I could live in Paris!

I'm sorry, I randomly found your blog through blogwise. I am into everything Paris-ish lol. I can't speek a word of french, but hey, I still wanna live there! But untill then I'll just stay put here in Aus and read your blog, lol.

Don't get too home sick, and happy birthday mate!

Charlie (Female, lol)

[annush]

this post made me remember my days of living in Germany...I remember how it was a huge treat to have American friends with access to the military bases who could get *gasp* brownie mix and cereal. Who would have thought?

[R J Keefe]

The place for you is Taillevent. When Kathleen and I were there on Thanksgiving, 2003, a Parisian and his copine were treated to an enormous roast turkey, which was rolled out on a trolley so that several choice slices of breast meat could be cut away, and which was then rolled back into the kitchen. The staff were assiduous in telling astonished diners that the client was not an American. Needless to say, roast turkey was not on the menu. I'm sure that they could do a cake right and proper.

[emaleejayne]

I just received a box of "American" food from home so I can make you a cake of Rosarita's refried beans with cheerios packed into a nice pattern all over the top.

Isn't it the thought that counts? :)

[sammy]

No oven, Coquette? I feel your pain. Maybe some gifted food-blogger will read this post and come to your rescue.

If not I'd be happy to send you a good old American chocolate cake by Chronopost, but I don't think they 'do' baked goods.

[Bob]

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,196,151186-224203,00.html

This is a recipe for a bakeless Valentine's cake. It solves the whole oven problem and you can say it is a bakeless bday cake.

[DDJ]

It may be culinary barbarity, but I have seen recipes for cakes/brownies that can be made in the microwave, like this one: http://cake.allrecipes.com/az/Micrwvcke.asp

If you need American mixes, presumably they can be found at The Real McCoy, Thanksgiving, etc.

Happy early birthday, Coquette!

[Coquette]

Gloria, I can't believe I forgot to put the Food Network on my list of things I miss...ahh, the 30 minute meals, the Barefoot Contessa...

Charlie, welcome aboard mate :)

Annush, I know, Cheerios, who would have thought?

RJ, Taillevent is soooo on the list of places to do before I die. Not that I'm envious of your Thanksgiving there or anything.

Emaleejayne, are you disturbed that the combination you've proposed has made my mouth water?

Sammy, Chronopost--now you're onto something!

[Coquette]

Bob, DDJ, I'm intrigued by your suggestions.

On a sidenote, do you know how much a box of cheerios cost at the Real Mcoy? I think it's like, 8 euro. Sadly, I have resorted to this in the past...

[rue-madame]

Oh, don't go to Favela Chic! Go instead to l'Ave Maria (rue Jacquard, 11eme) which is far less pretentious and just as much fun.

[ViVi]

Damn, who has an Easy Bake Oven when you need one? *Sigh*

And happy early birthday! I'm a May girlie too, but I'm on the Gemini side. ;)

[parizen]

Coquette,
You might try a store called 'Thanksgiving' in the 4th. At the eponymous holiday they do excellent pumpkin and shoefly pies and I suspect they do cakes throughout the year. Metro Saint Paul, my old neighborhood. Happy Birthday in advance. My daughter turns 3 on May 14th. Am I invited?

What else? Yes, after eight years in Paris, learning French, acquiring citizenship, a string of Yankee wins and defeats not broadcast anywhere here, and two bogus elections, the only thing I miss is my 1940's mechanical typewriter collection, far too heavy to carry over.

[Flare]

i was just going to suggest going to The Real McCoy or Thanksgiving but someone beat me to the punch. I would offer my oven but it's a gas oven (do they still make those??) and it would only cook the bottom of your cake to a crisp and I find that highly unacceptable for a birthday cake. Can someone global priority you some cake fixings and then we just have to find you the proper oven...

I lived without an oven when I was a student. Talk about a pain the ass.. I totally feel your pain, girl.

[Auntie M]

Coquette, You could always come over and bake the cake at my place. I probably have a Ducan Hines cake mix and icing for you too... if you want. No problem.

[SaraJane]

Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday To You!

Happy Birthday Dearest Coquette!

Happy Birthday To You!

Cheers to another great year! If you ever have the sheer pleasure of coming to Nebraska I will buy you a big fat birthday cake! And we will go to Super Target! And then when you start to get a little lonely for your dear Paris, we will go to the little wine and cheese grocery here in Omaha called La Buvette (translation?)... Stick with Auntie M and go back a cake! Have a great birthday! Drink lots! Hook up with a hotty Paris boy!

[mary]

I know........make a rice krispie treat cake!! Those parisians wont know what hit them-- is it cake?... is it cereal?.....is it candy?.....Totally tacky and delicious. (that is, unless you can't get rice krispies or marshmallows over there?!?!)

[lizardek]

There is NOTHING better than American birthday cake. I insist on my birthright every year :) The Swedes look on in total befuddlement. Them and their stupid whipped cream cakes: GAH!

[Kathleen]

Since you're already pining away, I will refrain from mentioning a certain banana and chocolate cake from Sweet Mandy B's.

Oops, too late!

[Barbes]

You know, you can get a mini-four in Conforama for €50. I bet it would cost you that to order a big feck-off cake from an American bakery. So buy the oven and make your own!

[Alisa]

Hi - My little girl turns 3 May 16. She has requested, no demanded, a chocolate cake with pink frosting. I am a firm believer that one must always have their cake of choice on their birthday. Not only am I making a cake for our home celebration, I am making another for the petit fete dans la creche. As much as my heart wants to offer to bake one for you a few days prior, my FiloFax is screaming about all of the other things I must do: french class, job interviews(yeah), laundry, etc. What I can, and am gladly doing, is offering for you to join our little party, a chez nous, on the 15th, and we will light candles for you too! And if you want to make your own cake, my kitchen is your kitchen. You know where I live.
Now as for margaritas....I believe I have located the best in Paris at La Perla, Le Marais. Drink there, but eat only the chips and salsa.

[Coquette]

to walk in the door to, so many generous comments--kitchens being proffered, mini-four price research, no-bake recipe linkage...thank you all! it's like cake 911!

in truth, alisa, i don't know what kind of person i'd be if i allowed you to make me a cake. how could i when, hello, *i* can't even take the time to make me a cake! i was just hoping someone would have the magic number of an affordable baker that would make me the confection of my american dreams and preferably allow me to take credit for it, THAT'S ALL.

actually, i do enjoy baking. it's just math that scares me. auntie m, alisa, ya got american measuring cups?

[emaleejayne]

Holy Easy Bake Oven!

I have American measuring cups and you are welcome to come to Cesson to celebrate your birthday (although I don't know why you would)!!

[Stefanie]

there are some asian bakeries (strange, I know) on rue du faubourg du temple near the belleville metro that make sheet cakes with little icing flowers that we all remember from back in the day when going to a birthday party meant eating sugar till we felt sick, getting some clown to make a weiner-dog out of a balloon and best of all the party favor (my faves were the lip smackers!)

let me know if you're interested and i'll find the address.
and happy birthday...

[*]

why don't you get a toaster oven? you can totally make a cake in that.

[Asian Leprechaun]

Ha, I was going to suggest the Rice Krispy cake.

I made Lambchop out of Rice Krispies, Cool Whip, and food coloring once. It was very realistic; but wouldn't that be awesome to bring to the Favela Chic? It would impress the hell out of Monsieur Boo.

[Harrods Girl]

Aww, you don't get American cake? I totally know what you mean, sometimes you just want something that is more comfortable. While delicate deserts are no doubt divine, it feels so much more familiar and comfortable to eat the rougher version of the desert (american version of course.) That must be one of the reasons why my fav tv show is Gilmore Girls. It really has that warm fuzzy feel.

[Kassi]

My children are all born in March and April...this required me to make 8 birthday cakes within a span of 4 weeks...so needless to say, I am a little disenchanted with cake...but I know what you go through when you just HAVE to have cake. [no I don't have 8 children...I have 3, and I had to give them 8 parties]

[Chanelbaby]

Coquette! I have the perfect solution. I will send you Betty Crocker cake mix and FROSTING IN A CAN via post. Email me. This can work out.

[marie]

i didn't really understand the "french girls starve their boobs away" part. mine are surely in their place! anyway happy birthday from yet another parisian reader :)(if you have a Monoprix near you, they have sections with gross - at least for me - american food such as peanut butter and marshmallow preparations)

[SM]

hi there, happy bday in advance.

SM

[Coquette]

Marie, most thin girls have very small breasts and in Paris, (unlike, say, LA), the girls tend not to tamper...

It looks fantastic. I'd gladly trade in my C cup to be a 34 dress size.

If you're a size 34 dress size and you have big jugs then I'll just quietly loathe you.

[Waterhot]

The Simpsons aren't as funny in French, it has to be said. Because they've given Homer such a stupid voice that he's just - well, stupid.

But Jimmy Buffet ? Pleeeeeeese.

[Véro]

Waterhot: Is there a France-French version of the Simpsons? Because if I remember right, in French Canada its dubbed by Quebec actors. Its hilarious in a kind of painfully bad way.

And Coquette, I totally understand the need for the occasional North American goodies... I'm going home next week, and one of my goals is to eat donuts. Cherry sticks, Maple glazed, Timbits, anything, as long as it's a real donut! I won't even have a problem with the fact that it's the evil Krispy Kreme Korporation if that's all I can find! (Though I'm sure my good ol' Timmy's hasn't gone out of business!)

[marie]

"I'd gladly trade in my C cup to be a 34 dress size." -> i would to... :)

[juliana]

Oh wow! I totally know what you're talking about! I remember when I craved oreos and Cream of Wheat (I grew up on it) when I lived in Paris! So I found "Thanksgiving" and spent an arm and a leg on both! Ouch! :(

[didie]

Hello!
I'm a french student studying engish in paris. i see you're talking about american bithday cake and I am desperatly trying to find a f****** american bithday cake recipy on the web! do you guys have , by any chance, a recipie for me??? you know, just the basic cake with your real good icing on top...! mmmmm....!
and what arre these shops your talking about (thanksgiving and Reeal Mc Coy)? are they shops where I coulld find american products? where are they in paris?
by the way, you can find oreos at the Grande Epicerie De Paris (rue de sevre, metro sevre-babylone) and even sometimes at Carrefour or Auchan...

[aero]

Good info.
I have some nice stores and want to share it address.
http://www.furniture.any.pl/
http://www.broyhill-furniture.fe.pl/
http://www.broyhill-furniture-online.fe.pl/
http://www.eurorail.any.pl/

[a]

I have some nice links and want to share it with You.
http://baby-shower-centerpieces.best-offer.org/
http://baby-shower-footprint.best-offer.org/
http://baby-shower-games.best-offer.org/
http://retarded-animal-babies.best-offer.org/
http://teen-babies.best-offer.org/

[joanna]

i know exactly how you feel... I am an american living in Switzerland, and I am in exactly that phase of which you speak! I came across your site while searching for american B-Day cake recipes because I want to introduce one of my Swiss friends to the beauty that is trashy, fatty food. I told her, "if we were in America I'd go to SAV-A-LOT and bake you a cake for about 2 dollars..." and when I described to her how it would consist mainly of oil, butter, sugar, and eggs, she became extremely hungry and now wants one! the crux of the matter is i do have an oven, but good luck!

[Philip Boone]

Nice to know, that I am not the only American living in Europe, who incedently wants a good old fashioned American birthday cake. I too, am looking into making it myself. the icing is the key to it all, any ol bisquit cake mix will do, but oooohhhh the creamy icing wish me luck.

[Philippine Flower Delivery]

Love your blog!Thanks for sharing...

-Ashley

[philippine cakes]

I'm sure that they could do a cake right and proper. Thank you so much for guiding me through this. :)

vee