Freedom Fries, Indeed

On Sunday, Kathleen and I decided enough with the scarves and Euro-chicness, we were coming out of the closet as who we were, god dammit.   (Inhale cigarette, exhale.  Pout:  SOH AMEREECAN)  We took coffee from Starbucks.  To go!  We went shopping. On a Sunday!*  We wore tennis shoes.  That were WHITE!  But we knew we could get away with all this craziness because we’d planned on spending the whole afternoon out of the city, at Chateau de Versailles, where there are only tourists.

*only flea market shopping is available on Sundays

We exit the train at Versailles and all passengers are moving in mass in one direction.  So we follow.  Who wouldn’t?  Confident masses, they’re so reassuring!  We shuffle across the street, in our happy little tourist herd, and the next thing I know I’m smelling French fries.  I’m not kidding you people, THE WHOLE TRAIN had just headed straight across the street to McDonalds.   

Ever since seeing Supersize Me, McDonalds sort of scares me, so I try to reserve it only for emergency occasions, (like when I’m hung over) but the thing is, once you’re IN McDonalds, once you’ve smelled the sweet smell of French fries, you’re pretty much POWERLESS TO LEAVE.  If crack had a smell, I imagine it would be McDonald’s French fries. 

So we ate our McDonald's, and I’ll be the first to tell you it was damn good.  The French fry high was starting to kick in, but we stayed focused on our plan: to eat quickly and walk to Versailles faster than everyone else. 

And then we arrive and the line isn’t even that long!  Kathleen snorts and says, “THIS is what you call a line?”  But, you see, I see a line that isn’t even that long, and I think “What if there wasn’t a line... AT ALL?!”  I had read in my guidebook that there is a “SECRET ENTRANCE” where you can skip the queue.  And we’re on a French fry crack high, man, so ANYTHING seems possible!  Even “SECRET ENTRANCES” that only your book knows about!  And of course it takes about 10 minutes to walk to this “SECRET ENTRANCE” because it’s on the other side of the Palace, but we’re so cranked up, what do we care?

And oh boy, is this going to be a shocker, but of course the secret entrance was, umm, how do you say? TOTALLY BULLSHIT.  Can you see where this is going now?

The moment we step out of “SECRET ENTRANCE” hallway we see The McDonalds Herd.  They’re coming up the hill!  They’re pouring in the gates!  Hundreds of them! And they’re SO MUCH CLOSER to the line than we are! I mean the line is multiplying BEFORE OUR VERY EYES. 

And then came the clouds, suddenly appearing to cover the sun and it got very, very cold.  Kathleen starts shivering, probably because the crack is starting to wear off, and my Seven jeans suddenly feel like they are air-packed to my kidneys, they are compressing my Diet Coke-filled bladder so.

And there is nothing for us to do but wait in the hell of our own making

See kids?  CURSED ARE THOSE THAT BREAK THE CARDINAL FRENCH RULES. 

(This is the line of happy people, tummies full of McDonald's, who got to get in line before us.)   

That’s when I decide, as we’re waiting in this line, to tell Kathleen a story involving McDonalds, and another time I broke Cardinal French Rules.  And this one involves my kidneys too!!  Stay tuned for Part Deux, folks. 

Comments

[Aimee]

Mhmn. White tennis shoes...? Give Celine my love, you silly canuck.

[Fellow french fry addict]

(In Homer Simpson voice) ooooh....french fries.

[Coconut Library]

I know this was a long time ago, but I'm just now reading it. I too know that line at Versailles. I also know what it's like to stand in it in the rain. Good times.

The funny thing about that line is that even if it looks short, it's not. It's a magic line (like most lines are when you are at an historical European site, or on vacation at all for that matter). Even if you look like you're close to the front, really you're just close to the building that the rest of the line is actually in. I did, however, read almost an entire book about Versailles (and bore my traveling friend with it) during the 2 hours in line, which made the whole experience a bit more exciting when we FINALLY made it in. :)