Here are a couple of clips from July 14, noted for being my friend Julie’s birthday and also, the French national holiday. I’m going to need to do some translating for non-French speakers, and possibly French speakers as well.
Warning: As I listen to these videos, I realize I basically sound like the French equivalent of Fez on That 70’s Show. Gird your loins.
Julie's boyfriend Olivier is lighting Julie’s cake and my big fat American accent and I are buzzing around him. Vanity forces me to qualify that when I’m sober, I swear my nasal drawl is less offensive. At least, I think it is.
Me: 52? *pointing to the candles on cake*
Olivier: What’s that? 52? *switches the candles*
Me: She doesn’t look her age.
Hey! That was sort of borderline, maybe kinda quippy, right? Okay, my humor bar in French is like this: if I were a 7-year-old and said it, would you laugh? Then I’m killing.
There are a few dead seconds around the middle of the video, but hold on, here comes the money shot (sorry). I don’t want to give too much away, but I accidentally get Guigui to do something really funny. It was so unexpected it almost feels like cheating.
At the end of the clip, Jeanne enters the room and I say, “On allume le feu, la!” I am high fiving myself right now, because “allumer le feu” means to light the fire (Olivier is lighting the cake) and its double meaning is to get the party started.
I think if a first grader were to use such fancy word play, you would find the kid very advanced. Just saying.
I am pleased because a song I know the words to comes on. I am also very drunk at this point, so the words “chanson francon” come out of my mouth instead of “chanson francais.”
But, can I point out the hideous inaccuracy in my claiming it’s the only French song that I know? Thanks to family roadtrips I know numerous Dorothée song from the 80’s (Allo, allo, Monsieur Ordinateur) and also a staggering amount of Michel Sardou, both of which help me get dates on a regular basis. My party trick is that I can do the entire phone conversation in Anais’ Mon Coeur, Mon Amour ("Coucou qu'est ce que tu fais mon coeur ?" "La même chose qu'y a une demie heure... " etc.)
And on that note, I leave you, because I know you’re getting so turned on you can hardly stand it.
(You can see some more clips on Vimeo. Well, one more clip. But I'll add more.)
*And I'd like to note that we are at Julie's parents' apartment. When we have parties at our places it's like clowns in a car.