Confucious say, Man who watches dog for living wind up with wet duvet

I know it must be hard to be a dog in France.  Riding the escalator at the Bon Marché, being cooed at and groped by the staff of my bank, having me carry you through the grocery store, like some wise and knowing koala bear deity. 

But you’re so good at not letting it go to your head, I think.  Sitting quietly on the cafe floor while I give my English conversation lessons, riding the bus like a big boy.  Let’s try an experiment: Will you mind if I leave you alone for a couple of hours?  Yes, I can see that you want to come, but you understand that sometimes in life, you don’t always get to do what you’d like to do.  Hey! This is so not a dog issue!  I am not trying to bring you down!  How can you say that?  Look!  It's Mr. Potato!  *throws toy, slams door*

When I returned to my apartment last night, the place looked like it had been ransacked by a herd of Oompaloompas.  Everything at waist level was on the floor.  And, what was that smell?

*sniff sniff*

Yes, in retrospect, I can see that you were offended when I left you alone for a couple of hours, because the harsh truth about dogs is: you cannot open the door to roam the streets and sniff cigarette butts freely.  I thought you would bear your cross of not being able to open doors while sleeping in my bed and playing with your furry potato toy, but I was wrong.  Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

Isn't it always the pretty ones that pee all over your life, then kiss you and look adorable while you scrub the mattress?

Comments

[Hellchico]

I Wanna Be Your Dog -Iggy Pop

So messed up
I want you here
In my room
I want you here
Now we're gonna be
Face-to-face
And I'll lay right down
In my favorite place

And now I wanna
Be your dog
Now I wanna
Be your dog
Now I wanna
Be your dog
Well c'mon

Now I'm ready
To close my eyes
And now I'm ready
To close my mind
And now I'm ready
To feel your hand
And lose my heart
On the burning sands

And now I wanna
Be your dog
And now I wanna
Be your dog
Now I wanna
Be your dog
Well c'mon

[Sammy]

Maybe it was his way of showing you how much he just cannot do without you, sort of a codependant love thingy.

[Neil]

And I'm sure you petted him and guiltily said "it was alright" what he did. You women are always suckers for a cute-looking dog.

[sarai]

the worst is when you step in doggie pee with your bare feet and you can't even enjoy screaming fuck because he's giving you the sweet what did i do doe eyed look

[R J Keefe]

Time for rubber sheets. C'est marrant!

[DDJ]

Having had a few dogs over my lifetime, all I can say is, yeah, they occasionally do this. Especially the clingy breeds. And the one thing to make you feel better about it is to let loose a torrent of foul obscenities in the same cuddly voice that you'd say "good boy."

"Yes, you are a little *********** ************, yes you are! Oh, yes you are!"

[la.dauphine]

You don't even want to KNOW what 'present' we found at home left by our lab after 2 days in NYC. Let's just put it this way... my boyfriend needed a SHOVEL to clean it up! Eeeeewwww!!!

[linda]

hahaha, gross. but yeah, the cute ones get away with everything.

[Gloria]

"Herd of oompa loompas"

I love it.

And if they weren't so cute and adorable, I agree, you wouldn't put up with it.

Now me, I have this toy little white dog which a friend bought me as I can't have dogs in my apt. While it doesn't do tricks, it does come when you call it, and doesn't need to be fed or watched over. It's great.

[Just Dazzle]

Well, it could be worse Coquette---I was dog sitting once and found the little mut proudly peeing *into* my unpacked suitcase! Final confirmation that I am *not* a dog person.

[Just Dazzle]

As a fellow "clothes whore" I am sure you can relate to the pain ;)

[piu piu]

kennels. new mattress.

[maitresse]

Ha! read this just after I came home from having dinner with a friend to find baxter had left a puddle on the hallway rug to protest my absence.

I always have a can of rug spray on hand to deal with such accidents-on-purpose, which happen with alarming frequency...

one time he got so mad he went through my purse, found a tube of lipgloss, and chewed right through it-- then strewed the lipgloss carcass across my white duvet cover.

such a considerate little dog...

[Moose]

I once had a dog rip up an entire foam mattress when I left her alone for two whole hours. I think she sensed that I was going to the beach without her and was not Having Any Of It.

[Joy]

the dog has a POTATO toy?!? i didn't know such a thing existed!

[Caroline]

A propos de rien:

Coquettes are, but too rare. It is a career that requires great abilities, infinite pains, a gay and airy spirit. 'T is the coquette who provides all the amusements,--suggests the riding-party, plans the picnic, gives and guesses charades, acts them. She is the stirring element amid the heavy congeries of social atoms,--the soul of the house, the salt of the banquet.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Ain't it the truth. ;)

[Lola]

That's "Confucius".