Parisian Shower

My newest San Diego Reader piece is up!   

I am watching a program showcasing movies that will premier in France this week.  One called La Moustache seems particularly interesting.  From what I gather, a man shaves his mustache, and then goes crazy because his wife and friends do not notice that he shaved his mustache.  They, in fact, claim he never had a mustache.  Everything is seen from his (unreliable?) point of view. In the trailer, there's this haunting bit: the man is broken, crouched in the shower, clutching a fistful of hair, then letting it slip down the drain.  Intense.  I die laughing.

The mustache thing is supposed to be a trope; I get that.  By loss of mustache the director looks to convey loss of sanity.  But is he also looking to convey Tom Selleck?  Porn stars?   They keep replaying one somber line, “What would you say, if I were to shave the mustache?”  Oh, this movie is going to be good.

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Confession:   I just started showering at the gym last week after more than a year as a non-showerer.  Lugging my cleansing gear is definitely annoying, but I was scaring too many Parisians before, tromping to and fro in my nylon shorts and sweaty ponytail.  I needed to change.  Literally.  It's not something I'm particularly proud of, my non-showering ways, but there you have it.

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A French girl sauces onto the bike in front of me at the gym today.  She is very svelte and alluring, but I am worried about her outfit.  Striped brown socks, Petit Bateau camisole, droopy cotton shorts.  It kills me how these French girls will arrive in something perfect, like ballet flats and a trench coat, and then change into this.  She looks like she is going to a twelve-year-old's slumber party.

Later, a man gets onto the treadmill in a polo shirt and shorts with, belt loops?  He looks eerily like my father.  Similar sartorial philosophies, for sportswear at least--untroubled by the advancements in moisture-wicking technology or elastic, but preferring to remain very 1970's tennis player.  He's adorable.  You just want to slip on some aviators and roller-skate with him to Simon and Garfunkel.

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I am done working out.  I enter the stretching room.  You must say bonjour to everyone there.  The French are way into the salutations.  But the room feels like a sauna, which makes me wish they were a little more into air conditioning.

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When I enter the locker room later, I see a sign saying traveaux (construction) from June 31-August 15.  During which, we may shower in "douches provisoires.”  Umm, there they are.  Simply freestanding boxes of glass, erected smack in the center of the room.  It's like showering in a snow globe.  Modesty?  I am ruined. 

"I can't believe this," I say, to no one in particular.  "Oh, me neither!" says an older woman beside me.  Then, she shrugs and throws off her towel.  Gah! That was more than a little alarming. 

I enter the shower.  Apocalypse.  Everyone can see me through this glass and I am going to die.  Once an American prude, always an American prude!  I think about the sad, crazy mustache man, so alone and misunderstood.  I keep my bare backside pointed at the locker room, but focus on not brushing it against the glass.

Later, as I'm getting dressed, a girl who is entering the shower inquires as to the water.  “Glaciale,” I say.  It is true; it was freezing.  "Good for the circulation!  Keeps you young!" the older lady butts in.  Then she swings her gym bag onto her shoulder, flips open a packet of cigarettes and pulls out her lighter. 

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I say au revoir to each person at the front desk, (see above: the importance of salutations), and head onto the sunny street in a Cacharel summery top and linen pants, feeling better.  Fashion never hurts.  I was hoping to get some sort of reaction from the gym staff, the first time they saw me in real clothes.  In my fantasy, they would have been blinded by my unassuming sophistication.  Maybe they wouldn't recognize me.  No one said a word.  At the bus stop, there's an advertisement for La Moustache.  I feel more sympathy for this guy by the minute. 

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Mustaches are like babies, once you have them on the brain, you start seeing them everywhere.  On the bus ride home, a man climbs on with...actually, he's just generally unshaven.  But if you squint, he sort of looks like Johnny Depp, incidentally, one of the rare, modern-day men who can naturally rock the mustache look.  Depp is also, (double incidentally!), a Parisian.  Coincidence?  As this doppelganger heads to the back of the bus, all I know is, I'm happy not to be wearing my gym clothes.

Comments

[Sandy]

very nice post.

[R J Keefe]

The novel upon which the film is based, also called "La Moustache," by Emmanuel Carrère, is powerful and disturbing. My Lord, though, it must be ten years old or more.

[Coquette]

Yes, when I read the French reviews, I learned that it was based upon a novel. Sorry to seem insensitive to a potentially nice film that I haven't seen, but I just couldn't get the trailer out of my head. Was the novel ever translated into English? I'll be curious to see how the film fares. I can't imagine it having success in the US.

[Coquette]

The reviews truly are good. I just went through several (compiled on allocine.fr). The Liberation calls his descent into madness "moustachicide"...

[schuey]

while recovering from the "bal des pompiers" rue de sevigny, i'm reading your piece and it's really enjoyable...
"always a prude american" -> ur not that prude, your blog shows a lot... :)

[Sebastiano Pilla]

Well, you must definitely be going to a nicer gym than mine. Our locker room is just a tiny bit larger than a phone booth, and you can imagine that the rest of the gym follows the same philosophy. I showered there just once, then got annoyed (luckily I live within 2 minutes walk).

[juliana]

I realy liked this post!

My dad has a moustache too, and once when he shaved it off. He looked so different. I almost didn't recognize him. But he never went crazy or anything....

[Coquette]

The temp showers are raised up on cinder blocks, too.
Club Med Gym, Montparnasse branch, should anyone wish to take a tour...

[Kathleen]

It's official. My new favorite word: MOUSTACHICIDE!!!!

I always learn something new whilst reading my Coquette...

[mindy]

glad to see you back in San Diego!

[Sarah]

Moustaches are a strange phenomenon to us Brits. But, other Europeans aside, Americans and Iraqis share, at least, this one love. Maybe moustaches could bring them together ;-)

[woodcock]

The Moustache was translated by Pantheon when it came out and it's now published in a Emanuel Carrere omnibus edition with Class Trip by Henry Holt. The English translation is very good and it is my favorite of Carrere's work.
Very interesting. Usually writers adapting their own work into film is a bad sign. I don't know of any successful examples, much less actual examples outside the Tom Clancy/Michael Chrichton ones. I wasn't crazy about the film adaptations of The Adversary or Class Trip.

[cncz]

i will never understand the way french men think it is ok to exercise in a thick polo shirt.

[kassi]

Johnny Depp...one more reason to want to live in France. At least for one year of my life.

[Miss_Pink]

Argg gym outfit. I am struggling too... tried a couple of Nike stuff that made me look like Veronique et Davina (anyone remembers?)... Still in search of something both stylish and sports-like though. Any idea ?

[J]

BONNE FETE NATIONALE!!

[Jen]

Hello miss ! Remember, i'm "fleur bleue" :-p
Just to give you the blog from the guy i told you last night (pardon pour mon anglais de merde !), it's http://mry.blogs.com/

kisses, see u

[Mry]

Thanks Jen...

[Coquette]

Jen, I'm sorry, do I know you? Kidding. Love that expression "fleur bleue" and it was super fun last night! I'll bring Bobos in Paradise for you next time, dahling.

Mry, *waves* Hi! I will be visiting your site apparently.

Miss Pink, I need new workout clothes in a bad way...Times like this I really miss TJ Maxx and Filenes Basement. Guess I should take advantage of les soldes...

[Jeremy]

Happy 14th!

So - what did you do for Bastille day? Is that a big deal over there, or more for ex-pats over here to celebrate?

[Flare]

And don't forget the women who go to work out in a full face of makeup??

why?

I took J once to a gym in the states and he walked right looking pretty normal on top, a plain t-shirt and shorts (borrowed from my brother) and his normal looking nikes but it was the argyle socks that screamed "I'm not american".

[nardac]

Dacnar was voted Moustache of the Year in 2003 and 2004. I have seen pictures of him without, and I have erased them from my brain.

[Dagny]

Now I have Johnny Depp on the brain. Which reminds me that I will have to try to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" in the next few days.

[Alisa]

I love this!

From my limited/growing understanding of french culture and manners, I am guessing that no one at the gym mentioned how great you looked, BECAUSE if they did, it would imply that they also noticed how you looked sans douche. And that would be more rude than the lack of compliment.

[alex]

love the piece! i saw the preview and have to admit thought the film might be terrible - but i like your tak on it.
and...backtrack to your coming out photo - tres belle...and you are even cuter in person.
us-party-soon-Le Baron (went again last night) VIP treatment darling. can't wait to take you. xx